


Daemons of Another Kind

by lillpon



Series: Daemons [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Daemons, F/M, I may do some scenes more extended later, fast pacing bc I'm lazy, follows canon (mostly), milah deserved better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-06 13:16:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11601414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lillpon/pseuds/lillpon
Summary: This is a retelling of the first five seasons of the show, with the addition that the characters have dæmons - their souls manifested as companion animals, as seen in Philip Pullman'sHis Dark Materialsuniverse. It follows most canon events but I've added my own stuff.





	1. Seasons 1 - 4A

Emma taps her fingers on the wheel, getting more impatient the more details the kid gives her. Apparently not only is he living in a town filled with fairy tale characters, their souls are also manifested into animals, which were taken from them by force and now they live miserable lives because of that.

And she is the one supposed to set them all free.

Of course she doesn’t believe him. But seeing how miserable he is worries her, and his mother’s determination to keep up the show doesn’t help. So she stays.

Graham talks to her about the curse and she almost slaps him. She doesn’t have time for that now. But when he tells her his dæmon is a wolf with one eye red, she stops in her tracks and remembers the wolf she almost run into with her car on her first night there. She tries to help him, but to no avail.

He dies that night and so do her hopes of even trying to open up again.

But eventually, the truth comes out. The pet monkey with the red silk fur Regina always has by her side is more than a pet, it turns out, Emma jumping back when she hears an adult male’s voice coming from the monkey’s little mouth, instructing her what to beware of in the dungeon.

The curse breaks, and everybody is frantically searching for their own animals. Emma finally enters the vault while Regina is in custody, and to her horror sees a huge corridor of cages, cages filled with various types of animals. She sets them free and notices one empty cell, big enough for a wolf to fit in.

Graham’s wolf.

As Henry and his huge book informed her some time ago, when someone dies, their dæmon dissolves into “magic dust” and disappears.

She breaks down and stays there until they inform her of more disasters, things called Spectres that suck the soul out of your body.

_Wait, aren’t those animals their souls?_

She doesn’t have time to ponder on that. She runs to help and instead ends up in her mother’s land, the Enchanted Forest, apparently, with her mother and her dæmon redbreast - his name is Birch, seriously?

She wakes up and looks as two women look back at her, a frozen expression on their face.

“Where is your dæmon?” one of the women, wearing a gown dress, a white bunny on her feet, asks.

“She must not be human!”, the other woman exclaims, raising her sword to Emma’s throat. Emma gasps and looks at the other woman, dressed in battle armor, a small pig by her side.

Emma sighs and tries to explain as they take them captive and drag them by the ropes on their wrists. Finally, they seem to understand that Emma’s dæmon is not corporeal because she grew up in a land without magic.

“A land without Dust? How do you survive there?” Lancelot asks, incredulous.

A quick explanation from Mary Margaret lets Emma know about the mysterious particle called Dust, the thing that connects people to their dæmons and is essential for their survival. Emma remembers August and the small owl he hid in his box, the one who Emma tried to pet and August pulled back, seething.

“There has to have been Dust in our world, at least after the Curse was cast,” she says.

But when Lancelot and his tarantula transform into Cora and her crow respectively, she forgets all her questions about this Dust thing and burns away the wardrobe, their only way back to their world. Emma looks at her nursery, her crib and the small bed by it that would fit her dæmon once he showed up and for once wishes she did have that animal by her side, whatever it was. She wouldn’t have to spend all her life so alone.

Mary Margaret says that she wonders how it’s like to live with your dæmon inside of you. Sometimes having a voice constantly talking to you can be annoying - Birch nips at her ear for that.

In any case, a person separated from their dæmon seems like a horror to behold for them. It becomes apparent once they discover a survivor in the massacre left by Cora at their village. As he stands up and the other three women realize no animal is accompanying him, they all gasp in horror. Emma simply stares back at him, the lack of a dæmon not terrifying her, but something about his person does seem off. And it’s not that he was lying.

Even after he reveals his name is Killian Jones, out for revenge on his foe for murdering his dæmon, she still has a strange feeling for him. She wonders if that is truly because of the lack of an animal.

_It most certainly is._

And now they have to climb a giant beanstalk. Great. Emma justifies her choice to be the one to follow him up by saying they’re the only ones without corporeal dæmons. The other three women throw various glares at the pirate, Mary Margaret bordering on threatening him. Emma sighs.

She discovers his tattoo and loudly wonders if Milah was his dæmon. He looks at her bitterly and she realizes her mistake.

"Esther," he replies and covers his forearm with his sleeve.

Maybe him being broken isn’t just because of his soul being far away from him. Or, dead, as he says.

She finally finds the compass and looks at it mesmerized. A dial of thirty-six symbols and four hands, only one of them moving around, stopping on random symbols as it circles around the dial. An  _alethiometer_ , Killian calls it. She has no idea what that even means.

Later, as they take a pause in the woods, she plays with it. The three smaller hands can be moved around the dial and be fixed on the symbols. Mary Margaret tells her they’ll need both the compass and the wardrobe ashes to travel.

“And how is it supposed to guide us home? It doesn’t seem to point somewhere specific anyway,” she says, feeling ridiculous.

She replies by saying that its hands point to the truth, or so the legend says. They just hope it will bring them hope. Cora did.

When Cora steals the compass right from their grasp Killian stands by, watching, telling her that he wouldn’t have left her. But he does now and she doesn’t know why that stings so much.

They escape and make it to the lake just in time. She gets the compass and punches the lights out of the pirate. She doesn’t feel bad leaving him behind this time, but she is speechlessly gobsmacked when she pushes Cora away with, apparently, her magic.

Their return to Storybrooke stops being peaceful only one day in. First Archie, then someone rummaging at Gold’s shop. She’s pretty sure she knows who that someone is.

Curiosity gets the best of her and she searches the shop that night. She doesn’t know what she’s looking for, maybe only for evidence that  _he_  was there. She still wants to stick by the rules, anyway.

Suddenly, she hears a high-pitched shriek from the back of the shop. Taking out her gun, she walks slowly into the back, listening to the soft wails coming from somewhere there. She finds that the sound is coming from a cupboard at the very back. She opens it, but still the wailing seems to be coming from under it. So she lifts the bottom and looks in horror as a swan lies curled up in a ball, its beak caressing its left wing.

Emma stays frozen for a few moments. She’s been around magical Storybrooke too long by now to know that this isn’t just a normal swan. She has her suspicions as to who it would belong to, with it being caged in Gold’s shop no less, but she wonders how its - her - human wouldn’t know she’s still alive.

She doesn’t have much time to wonder or set the poor dæmon free before her phone rings, calling her assistance at the town line.

Her suspicions are proved correct when she reaches the scene of the crime and sees Belle comforted by Mary Margaret and David holding back a deranged Mr. Gold from attacking Killian, who is whimpering in pain, holding his left arm to his chest, his left hand fallen next to him.

He shot Belle, causing her to fall over the town line and lose her memories. As Emma confronts him at the hospital, she wonders why he didn’t shoot her dæmon instead. Or her, for that matter.

She decides to not tell him she found Esther yet.

And regrets it as all hell breaks loose after finding out Neal is the son of the Dark One of all people, and especially after Killian himself appears, his arm still bandaged, and stabs Gold in the chest with a hook of all things.

She knocks him out and with Neal and Henry’s help, they carry Gold back to Storybrooke. On Killian’s ship. She doesn’t know what her life is anymore.

While on deck, she stares at Neal’s mockingbird and realizes it is the same from the past. Celestia, he’d said her name was, and as it would be, he never allowed Emma to pet her. The bird itself would shrink back from her touch, but not his, and would never leave his side, always sitting on the back seat of the Bug or resting on the top of his seat.

He was never alone. She feels a pang in her stomach thinking that.

And then Gold is saved. She only learns about it after she reaches the shop and Regina has vanished with, as they tell her, her mother’s body.

The following days, Emma can only watch as Birch sits next to Mary Margaret on the bed, unwilling to interact even with Rydel, David’s sheepdog. She finds the compass at some point and starts fiddling with it. She realizes she can ask it things, and it will answer. She doesn’t really know how she’s doing it, or if she wants to learn what it can offer - she knows by now magic has its price - but she can certainly handle it easily.

After seeing that it won’t tell the future, and with her mother being still bed- and guilt-ridden, Emma's had enough of everything. So she breaks into the pawn shop one night and opens the cupboard shielding the swan again. She looks at the animal, sleeping as peacefully as it probably can.

“Esther?” she calls softly.

Immediately, the swan wakes, raising her eyes towards her.

Emma feels her stomach in knots. She has no idea what it feels like to have a dæmon, she doesn’t know what it’s like for someone to break the taboo and touch someone else’s dæmon, let alone keep it locked away from them for… centuries? She almost puts her fingers past the slim cell bars in an effort to comfort the poor animal, her small head cast down, but stops herself out of fear that she would be even more upset, and that Killian might feel her. She knows that people can feel anything their dæmons feel, and suddenly alerting Killian of his dæmon’s living and status is the last thing she wants.

Just to be sure, she checks it with the compass, the aleno-what it was that Killian had called it. She points the hands where she feels it right.

_Is the swan the pirate’s dæmon?_ , she asks.

_Yes_ , the compass replies.

_Could they be reunited?_

_Yes._

_Is their bond broken?_

_No._

Still, she can’t set her free yet. Gold will know for sure. So she whispers an “I’m sorry”, sighs and shields the swan again, and leaves with her emotions a total mess.

When the world almost comes to an end she stops caring. Before Killian and David make it back from the cannery with the beans, she sneaks into the back of Gold’s shop for one last time. To her surprise, it’s deserted, but she decides to use this to her advantage. She sets the swan free, but she barely has any strength to fly. Emma makes sure the animal is out of the shop before running back to Granny’s. Killian suggests they take the bean and let Regina die. Everyone would be ready to attack him, but she corners him and talks to him, looking straight into his eyes. Something’s changed in him, but he probably still can’t tell what has just happened. She leaves him to reunite with his Esther in peace, having reasoned with him.

Or so she thinks.

When she sees Henry disappear in a vortex with Greg and Tamara, she feels as if her own dæmon is being strangled by cruel human hands that had no permission to touch. Then Killian comes back, having attached the hook to a brace covering his handless wrist. He offers his ship and services, but Esther is not there to be seen. Didn’t he reunite with her? Is he hiding her?

As they walk on board, everyone notices the graceful swan by Killian’s feet, rubbing her head on his leg. Gold stares at the man and his dæmon, clearly clueless as to what has transpired. But he’s obviously not ready to admit his horrendous crime, even as the snake on his arm and hand hisses wildly at the swan.

They finally put their hatred for each other aside and prepare for the trip to Neverland. Killian doesn’t give her a single look, though she’s perfectly sure he knows who released his dæmon. She doesn’t push.

She forgets the compass in Storybrooke in her haste and can’t stop berating herself for that.

In Neverland, his attitude changes. He’s playful and cocky, but when he sleeps, or at least, tries to, he holds Esther close, her long neck resting on his shoulder and neck. She knows by now that they share their dreams when they sleep, and she can’t help thinking how horrible those must be after being separated for so long.

Eventually everyone realizes that she can fly as far from him as she wishes. While standing a few meters away from their dæmons can cause everyone physical pain, Killian and Esther can separate for as long as they desire, without being affected at all, not that they do desire being far from each other. Gold says it’s the effect of having been separated by realms - their bond is as strong as ever, but it can extend to as much as needed.

David thanks him for saving his life - he did  _what_  now? - and the swan sits gracefully on his shoulder, her head hidden behind his lowered one.

She sinks to the ground when Killian turns towards Emma, her back to them. Emma couldn’t be more glad. Kissing someone with their dæmon watching would make her feel super uncomfortable.

After she kisses him, after they save Neal, she notices as Killian more and more often sits silent, rubbing Esther’s head and neck softly. She sits on his shoulder again when they sail back home, Henry safe and sound in the Captain’s quarters. Emma watches around the ship as the Lost Boys pet their ever-changing dæmons. She wonders what forms Henry’s dæmon would take, if he had one.

“When did your dæmon settle?” she asks Killian.

He turns towards her. “She started changing into a swan after I turned thirteen. She spent more and more time like this, I don’t think I can pinpoint the exact moment. I think I was fifteen.”

“Does a specific event make them settle?”

His face falls. “Sometimes,” he replies. He swallows hard and turns his gaze forth, and she takes it as a message to drop the subject.

Pan’s dæmon is a scorpion. Of course it could hide awesomely in Henry’s clothes, but how the hell does he even communicate with an insect? What kind of voice can come out of such a tiny mouth?

She finds pondering about this is a waste of time. She watches as Gold stabs himself and his boy-father, the snake grabbing the scorpion with her teeth.

And for the first time she sees a dæmon - two, actually - dissipate into Dust in front of her eyes.

And then she has to say goodbye. She feels partly glad she and Henry don’t have corporeal dæmons, it would have been hard to explain why they walk around everywhere with strange animals other people aren’t allowed to touch.

It would have been even harder with them not remembering about magic.

She takes one last look behind. Killian and Esther, David and Rydel, Mary Margaret and Birch, Neal and Celestia, Regina and Arcon, all looking at her.

One year later, she finds that Killian is lucky to be able to walk away from Esther, or else a man walking in New York dressed in black leather would seem even weirder being followed by a white swan.

He refuses to lock her in the trunk though, and that makes Henry feel weird, especially with the harsh look Killian gives him as a reply to his question about petting her.

After her initial incredulousness, Emma is not surprised that the Wicked Witch’s dæmon is a small flying monkey.

She tries to find the compass - it would give them all the answers they need - but it was lost when Storybrooke was gone and now it’s almost impossible to locate it.

And then Gold is alive. Emma hears a barely audible guttural sound come from Esther at the revelation.

And then Neal is dying in her arms, and she’s not ready, not now. Not again.

Having to watch Celestia disappear in front of her only adds to her grief.

In his wake, everyone is clutching to their dæmons - and trying to hide them from Henry - and she’s never been angrier she doesn’t have one. She would probably need to have an elephant as a dæmon now though, something that could certainly take a few of her punches without hurting - though she knows that hurting her own dæmon means hurting herself.

When Killian asks Henry to go sailing with him, the boy asks if Esther can come along with them. Killian gladly accepts.

After the revelation of Zelena and Regina’s connection, it’s an even smaller surprise that Zelena’s dæmon ended up being a combo of her mother’s and her sister’s dæmons.

Not much later, Killian is silent again, and Esther barely looks up at Emma. They stay tucked together in Granny’s as Emma tries to cheer both of them up. The next day, she and her parents try to pry the truth from him and for the first time Emma notices Esther growl at someone other than Gold or his dæmon.

She's angrier than she's comfortable with. She shouldn't have let her emotions get the best of her.

She panics as she watches Killian lying unconscious on the ground and sees Esther choke, as if she was the one drowning. Her beak is stroking his forehead in a failed attempt to soothe him. Emma looks at her.

“Don’t,” she hears the swan breathe, “no…”

It’s the first time the dæmon talks to her and the voice startles her, if only for the way the swan struggles to use it.

She ignores her protests and saves him, feeling her magic float away from her in a wave. Esther is collapsed next to him, but breathes in with him and rests her head on his chest. But he only looks at Emma horrified and doesn’t register his dæmon’s need for attention until Emma says they have to run back to the hospital.

Zelena and her dæmon Knox are defeated and her winged monkeys turn back into humans, their dæmons appearing next to them as well.

She watches as her father and brother reunite with his mother, and Emma feels tears start to form in her eyes. She wonders how long it will take for her baby brother to have a dæmon. She was only a few minutes old when she was transported into this world, not enough Dust managed to settle on her to create a dæmon for herself.

The thought makes her shiver. How can she and Henry stay in this town like this? The weird looks from the townsfolk have lessened, but they are still there. She still wants to run like hell an no-one understands.

Killian thanks her for saving him and, for the first time after a year, for freeing Esther. But his face falls anyway when she announces she’s going back.

She catches herself wishing he’ll understand. She has to stop wishing that.

She’s surprised to find both Killian and Esther followed her into the past. He looks around as she appears with her new clothes and suggests she place a few leaves on her shoulder, under her cloak.

“People are going to scream if they see you without a dæmon. For now that will give them the impression he’s simply resting in the warmth.”

She has seen a few fights between dæmons, mainly in Neverland with the Lost Boys’ uncertain dæmons, or the fight-off between Arco and Knox, but she isn’t prepared for the fiery passion with which Evaline the snake wraps her body around Esther’s long neck, as Gold - no,  _Rumplestiltskin_ , force chokes Killian on spot. The snake hisses as the swan chokes, and with a shaking voice, Emma tries to convince the Dark One to let him go. He listens and she tries to explain as the swan runs to her human and they hug desperately.

Rumplestiltskin agrees to at least conjure up an orange butterfly to pose as Emma’s dæmon for now.

“Be grateful I’m not taking this one back instead,” he says, pointing towards Esther. Emma watches silently as Killian clenches his fist and swallows hard. Somewhere in that castle is the past version of Esther, suffering alone, and they can’t do a thing about it.

She has to admit, walking by so many people with dæmons in their native land is weird. The safe haven she met Killian at and Storybrooke had their share of it, but here she feels as if she is walking inside a science fiction movie.

In the tavern, it feels even weirder. Intoxicated men and dæmons being thoroughly touched by women and dæmons respectively. She doesn’t want to imagine what the dæmons do in very intimate situations. But there the old Killian is, a passed out cat on his shoulders.

“A cat?” Emma asks.

“I had to play the part, love,” he replies. “The myth of the dæmon-less Captain was one people were scared of. I couldn’t walk this place without something to accompany me. Luckily there are far off places with special herbs that help cats become… obedient.”

“Catnip? Seriously?”

“You have it too?”

“And didn’t people feel weird with it? Did they just assume it’s your dæmon?”

“When people did get close enough, I was intoxicated enough that they thought she was just tired and passed out, or drunk herself. And they wouldn’t even care much for… this doesn’t matter,” he says, blushing.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

Good idea or not, Emma finds herself enjoying the time she spends with clearly drunk-off-his-ass Killian Jones of thirty years prior. She makes sure not to pet the strikingly beautiful cat and he doesn’t have any problem avoiding the butterfly on her hair as they lean closer and closer to each other. She hopes whatever happens, Esther stays far away as she’s told. Though Emma can see the longing deep in past-Killian’s eyes, she knows that they can’t afford messing with the past even more, and even the smallest hint that his dæmon is alive would change his whole story.

If her kissing him the way she does doesn’t change everything, at least.

Upon his reunion with Esther, Killian -  _her_ Killian, she thinks impulsively and startles at the thought - hugs his dæmon tightly. Emma thinks that his memories of living away from her are still raw and seeing his lonely past self didn’t help. She lets them have their moment as she settles down, watching the festivities outside Midas’ palace.

If she is honest, the red dress the Dark One dresses her in is the one she would have loved to wear in her prom - if she'd had one to go.

Killian notes the butterfly is complimenting her new hairstyle and dress, and Emma smiles. It’s still harmlessly resting on her hair, occasionally flying around for a bit to show it’s not dead. Emma makes a mental note to thank Gold upon their return to Storybrooke.

Storybrooke. Oh, how she misses it.

The ball is indeed spectacular, even more with the dæmons dancing around their humans, weird pairs of dogs with birds and small mammals with dainty serpents. Their  _humans_ , not their masters, she thinks, as Esther flies elegantly above them, always careful not to fly too far to scare people, but being the center of attention anyway.

“Are you sure she won’t make an impression?” she whispers. “Are swans common dæmons?”

“They won’t mind love. People rarely ponder on what shape other people’s dæmons have.”

She hums in response. “I guess it’s just all new to me.”

Finally, they spot David. His Welsh sheepdog, as it would be called in her land, seems too out of place between all the animals coming from princes and princesses. Dogs usually mark servants, per Killian’s dark retort.

They watch as Snow - not Mary Margaret - and Birch ride away to safety, Emma feeling a huge smile spread on her face. But before she runs to give her back the ring, she doesn’t miss the growl Esther throws towards the guards’ crows.

Regina’s guards pull her hair down, careful to not touch the butterfly. All things considered, she has to appreciate them respecting the taboo.

When they meet again, Killian apologizes for not sending Esther to her assistance.

“It’s okay,” she replies. After the look his past, though drunk, self had and how he looked at her supposed dæmon, she seems to appreciate any moment Killian and Esther spend together.

She doesn’t see Birch turn to Dust when Snow burns but it doesn’t make her doubt what she’d just witnessed.

Killian rubs Esther’s head as he talks to her about his brother, the swan almost ready to put her beak on Emma’s lap like a dog trying to comfort her human. Emma doesn’t even care that he accidentally almost swats her mother and her dæmon, both in the form of ladybugs, because her mother’s alive and in her arms.

And not recognizing her.

She almost breaks at Killian wiping her tears away. This is more emotion than she can handle, but she’s grateful.

Esther knocks out the woman’s squirrel as Emma knocks out the woman herself. She looks at her and swears the swan is giving her a smug smile, mirroring the one on Killian’s lips.

They’re in the Dark One’s vault and Esther watches them closely as Killian talks to her, as Emma tearfully admits how she misses Storybrooke and once again wishes with all her might she had her own dæmon, but for the first time feels even without one, she’s gonna be okay. As long as she has her family by her side.

Now, in the company of her parents, brother, and Henry, she just feels she has everything. Besides, her dæmon is technically inside her, isn’t it?

Her magic pulses under her skin as she walks out of Granny’s towards the table Killian’s sitting at. She sits next to him and looks at Esther flying above them gracefully, before she focuses on him and they talk.

Esther's flying becomes idle and completely relaxed as Emma brushes her fingers in Killian’s hair and her lips on his. They stay there, drinking each other in, the whole world meaning nothing to them for a few minutes.

But again, this is Storybrooke and trouble isn’t hard to spread. The very next night, a woman with an ice dress and ice powers and a snow leopard appears and apparently they’re stuck inside an ice cave. Despite her feeling so cold, she understands her dæmon’s, Kaupi, hesitance to warm her with his fur. Eventually, Elsa breaks both of them out of the cave and Emma tries to cheer her up about her sister.

And then is the Dairy Queen. Emma feels helpless as she curses Marian, her dæmon suffering the same fate, and as she tries to catch her and fails.

Of course, Killian’s disobedience doesn’t help. But she wants to believe he’s a survivor so much, and the feel of his lips crushing against her certainly does help.

He lets Esther go for the evening of their date. She never wants to think how it comforts her, them being just the two of them, but she knows he is doing it for her. Besides, there isn’t any direct threat to them being separated again, so she chooses to enjoy their evening together.

They have all the time in the world.

* * *

_  
Esther, she’s at a manor beside the small lake. Please, get there fast._

He’s been so bloody stupid. All for the hate that blinded him, and now he is about to lose Emma too. He runs like a maniac, for he feels Esther being at the other side of town and it will take her as long to reach the manor.

Bloody luck.

“Swan!” he screams as he reaches the manor, arriving just in time with Esther.

The Dark One’s magic pulls him back, driving him to the fence and tying both him and Esther to it. He struggles to no avail, and keeps watching at the manor, hoping Emma will hear him.

Then the Crocodile dares to mention Milah’s name. Esther shrieks at him, and Killian feels his blood boil. What he’s done to him is enough. Boasting about  _killing_  her almost drives him over the edge, and Esther losing control is a sign of it.

But finally, Rumplestiltskin breathes “No,” as the lights in the manor finally fade.

Emma has made the right choice. He feels his smile widen so much his lips may start bleeding.

“I’m guessing she didn’t go through with it,” Esther says aloud as the Crocodile turns towards them.

“So sorry,” Killian adds smugly.

His confidence drops though, when the other man explains his plan. Trapping the old man in the hat, wanting to trap Emma, was just for the amount of energy he needs to make his device work. A device gathering Dust from the permanent separation of a human and their dæmon, and Killian cringes. He’s heard of this device, the silver guillotine, and how it was used experimentally eons ago. People had managed to create bloody portals to other realms by separating children from their dæmons, though no child or dæmon survived the separation. The bond is stronger between them at that age, so the thought of him doing this to Storybrooke’s children… children like Henry, all to cleave himself from the curse he brought upon himself…

“You’re gonna help me, all right… You see, the doctors of that time were simply playing with the guillotine, having no idea of its full potential or how it truly worked. The one thing they never managed to get, the only instance of a bond more powerful than child and dæmon, is someone who has been separated and reunited with their dæmon, without the guillotine,” he says without taking his eyes off of him, accenting the last sentence.

Killian freezes. He knows better than to think the Crocodile is making some sick joke. He looks as the other man approaches him, trying in vain again to get free of his bonds.

“Just do it, then!” he shouts when Rumplestiltskin is standing right in front of him.

“Oh, no. I promised you we’d have some fun first.”

Killian breathes hard, fixing him a hard stare.

“You’re gonna do everything I say, and now that Miss Swan did not behave as I had hoped, you’re going to find another way to fill that hat with the power I want. Until then,” he says raising his hand and releasing Esther from her bonds, only to wrap his hand around her neck in a firm grip.

Killian gasps in shock, body going completely limp against his bindings. No…

“ _This_  swan here will be my leverage,” Rumplestiltskin says and wraps his other arm around Esther’s body, even though she’s gone numb as well.

Killian can barely breathe. He feels the Dark One’s touch on his very body, invisible fingers wrap around his neck, an invisible arm hold him straight against the fence as the first bondage disappears.

“Now, I’ll be watching closely. You’ll tell everyone your dæmon is upset and flying around or doing whatever it is she does, and you’ll behave as though nothing is wrong. If I sense even the tiniest of suspicion from anyone…” he says, tightening his grip on Esther’s neck, causing Killian to almost collapse where he stands. It isn’t just the suffocating grip ghosting on his neck, it’s the very feeling of someone else holding his dæmon. He feels his energy drop by the moment.

_No, not again, no..._

The Dark One disappears in a cloud of smoke with their dæmons and the grip finally loosens. He collapses on his knees anyway, the shock too much to handle.

“Esther...” he whispers weakly, his breath hitching. He can feel her distress, hear her voice as she calls to him as well, her sobs rocking his own body. She’s trapped in some kind of cell, somewhere dark and lonely. He freezes thinking that this is the same feeling he felt upon reaching Storybrooke for the first time. He felt her, imprisoned there all alone, but he dismissed the feeling as confusion on being in a land with a different kind of magic. His eyes burn and he feels tears starting to fill them.

“Go inside,” the Dark One’s voice is heard. Through her ears, though he knows she can’t see anything, is still in the dark, like so many days he’d spent in their dark quarters, when she would shrink back into a duckling and tuck herself on his side.

Even the cruelest of masters back then wouldn’t dare break the taboo - not that their dæmons were nice to her, but still.

Killian rises, his knees shaking, and works on relaxing his posture as he walks towards the entrance, finally running as he enters and hears Emma and Elsa’s voices from further inside. He runs to her and hugs her as if she’s his lifeline. He prays to whatever deities there are she doesn’t see his despair as he kisses her. She pulls back slightly, apparently still unsuspecting, her eyes and her smile bright.

It’s only then he sees the white ferret resting on the other dæmon’s back. The small animal jumps to Emma’s shoulder and runs a full circle around her neck, playing with her hair and causing her to laugh. Emma looks back at Killian.

“I… well… apparently accepting my magic had more benefits than I imagined,” she says, and Killian feels a smile tug at his lips despite the crawling despair. What if Gold separates Emma from - no, he can’t think like that - but what is the dæmon’s name anyway?

She seems to read his thoughts, or at least, that part of his thoughts. “I don’t even know what his name is… how do you find a name for them?” she asks, turning to Elsa as well.

Elsa shrugs. “We grow up with them. They’re company since before we can speak, so, the name usually comes naturally,” the other woman says. Emma’s dæmon reaches up and licks her cheek, making her giggle again.

“Aye, but there’s no need to rush,” Killian adds.

Emma finally gives him a good look, and says, “Are you okay? Where’s Esther?”

He takes a deep breath, though in all fairness, his chest feels too tight for too deep a breath. “On the other side of town,” he replies. “I had her looking for you and we split up.”

Momentary guilt flashes across her face and he hates it. She probably thinks how she worried everyone, and so he prompts her outside, to go find her family, as he remembers he has to get the bloody hat from the other room.

His paces feel heavy as he walks the stairs to his room at Granny’s. He imagines Esther is in the pawn shop, but he fears of Gold hurting her if he tries to reach her. For all his recklessness, that’s one thing that stops him. He sinks on the ground as he enters his room, slowly sliding down the closed door.

He breathes in and out, thinking how used he was to not caring about anything all those centuries, thinking that everyone he loved, even his own dæmon, was dead. Now he’s got so much to lose, though he can’t really complain. He only wonders for Emma, having just met the dæmon she missed her whole life, and he told her not to worry about him…

He feels a pang of guilt as he considers it would be fitting if she worried now.

The next morning, the others have gathered up the clock tower by the time he gets there. The only thing he can register is that the Spell of Shattered Sight is to activate by sundown. Emma sends him to check for an escape route via the sea, and his hopes collapse when he sees the ice wall that was already around the town extend above the water as well.

The Dark One appears beside him and Killian is gladly surprised to see how he can still feel anger towards him. He knows begging won’t help anyway, but lashing out may have agonizing consequences; for himself he doesn’t care, but Esther is still trapped. So he follows the other man to the diner and does as he’s told. The fairies, along with their dæmons, are trapped one by one in the hat, their screams making his head swim. He barely holds his vomit in when he hears someone coming and he sinks behind the counter, tears making his vision blur. He looks towards the exit after Emma and the others leave as well, and he looks down at the ominous object in his hand.

He rubs his eyes before the tears escape, stands up and starts walking toward the pawn shop. Through gritted teeth he asks his nemesis if it’s all over. Enough with the stalling. But Rumplestiltskin explains that setting up the guillotine will take its time, though he seems upset himself. Probably knowing that his wife will be under the influence of the spell as well and may hurt herself. But he gives him this moment to say goodbye, and as hesitant as he is to upset Emma even more, he walks to the Sheriff station. A very upset and teary-eyed Emma is locking her parents in the cells for protection. The ferret is still around her neck even though she’s holding her baby brother in her arms.

She walks up to him and he wishes to tell her everything, but he knows his words and his moments are limited. So he lets her kiss him and hold him desperately, and the words of comfort he so wishes to tell her cannot find themselves past his tongue. He slips off and walks towards the docks, his heart breaking.

The spell is cast and pieces of glass fall from the sky, and he faintly hears shouting and screaming from the center of the town. He’s not affected by the spell.

Rumplestiltskin wants his services again, so he goes and finds Henry. Standing outside the mayor’s door, he refuses to let the lad out there. With the whole town running amok, who knows what Henry may run into. So he stands there until he feels ghost fingers wrap around his neck again. His breath catches and he leans on the wall for support.

It’s Henry or Esther, and Killian knows she’ll hate him, but he chooses the lad over her. He collapses on the floor, whimpering in pain as the Dark One’s grip tightens around Esther’s body, feathers, feet…

“Stop crying!” Henry shouts from inside. “I’m not going to feel sorry for you!”

_No, Killian,_ he hears in his mind.  _Don't let him get hurt..._

Eventually, the Dark One decides Henry’s safer there anyway until a few people have killed each other at least and the town’s population has dropped. But he still orders Killian to stay there and make sure he doesn’t escape, which he gladly obliges, needing a few minutes to calm down and steady his breath again.

After some time passes he suddenly feels a wave of magic spread. Then he hears Henry’s hesitant voice from inside the office.

“Hey, are you still there? Look, sorry for what I said! Are you alright?”

“Aye, lad,” he replies and stands up, opening the door with the potion Gold gave him. “And apologies, too. I was trying to lure you out earlier,” he lies even though he feels absolutely exhausted. He didn’t manage to sleep the previous night and feeling Esther’s pain in his flesh is not helping either.

He goes to the pawn shop one more time only to listen to the Crocodile gloat and give him a few hours again. Killian feels his blood boil at how he keeps postponing the deed, as if giving him “a few last hours” is his way of torturing him further.

This time, Emma does seem genuinely worried. As he approaches them on Main Street and they enter the cars to leave for the town line, she glances around looking for Esther. He simply tells her she was just tired, as is he, and is retiring in his room, waiting for him to join him.

Emma barely seems convinced but she still has her friends to save so he steps back. The Dark One summons him again and he obeys, feeling as if strings are pulling him towards the pawn shop when everything inside him screams to go back to Emma and tell her everything.

He pulls out Esther’s cage and sets it on the counter. Killian almost walks towards it but the other man raises his hand to make him halt. Killian can’t let him harm her further, not after what he let him do a few hours ago. So he spills everything he knows and Rumplestiltskin appears displeased. He dismisses him, telling him to watch Elsa’s sister Anna, who apparently has a history with him, and all Killian can do is sit outside the shop, his head cast down lest anyone sees the absolute despair in his features.

Suddenly, Gold opens the door behind him. “Come in,” he tells him simply, and Killian freezes on the lack of a commanding attitude. Why now?

He orders him to call Emma and inform her of the portal. One uninterrupted phone call later, Killian feels his chest tighten. He looks at Rumplestiltskin, a grin on his face as the facts sink in.

Emma doesn’t know.

This is it.

With one flick of his wrist, Killian, Gold and the cage are transported to the clock tower, the top floor of which now sports a metal contraption around two adjoined cages. The bars between them seem special than the ones around them. Killian looks at Gold, then at Esther in the cage by his feet. With a swift move of his hands, the cages open and Killian and Esther are flung in the separate ones. Immediately, Killian goes for the adjoining bars, his fingers barely making it through to caress her head. She seems as exhausted as he feels, barely holding up on her feet. Tears fill his eyes again and he looks back at Gold, a sinister smile on his face as he makes the hat appear on his hand. Setting his dagger on the top of the guillotine, he lets the hat fly in the air, exploding as it reaches the top.

He doesn’t have time for that now. He looks back at Esther, who is wailing and shivering under his mere touch. He doesn’t even have the strength to comfort her anymore, and he feels his tears finally run down his cheeks.

“Esther…” he calls weakly one last time before a bright blue light appears at the top of the adjoined bars, knocking him and Esther back, away from each other.

“No!” he manages as Esther cries out, the light slowly cascading down the bars. Then he finally sees it. Clear, golden-yellow sand slowly flowing away from him and Esther, towards the top of the cage. Dust.

The light almost reaches the middle of the bars and he feels as if someone is literally ripping him to pieces. He can’t stop the scream coming out of his mouth as he practically sees his soul being ripped away from him.

Suddenly he hears Gold’s grunt, but he doesn’t have the strength to turn and look at him.

But he does register Swan screaming his name. For the next few seconds, all he manages to do is listen as blasts of magic are thrown, Gold, Emma and Elsa grunting, and look at the silver-blue light having passed the middle of its destination, Dust still drifting off of him and his dæmon. He closes his eyes.

Suddenly, everything stops. Quiet, save for a few ragged breaths.

“Open the cages, let them go,” a female voice orders.

Belle.

As she asks, the doors open, and he feels Esther being carried at the back of Elsa’s dæmon - to his arms. He hugs her tightly as she whimpers and shakes uncontrollably. He can barely even hold his own sobs back.

“Never… never again…” he breathes, stroking her feathers with his one hand. Finally, after a few long minutes, his sobs slow down and he manages to open his eyes, seeing clearly. Emma waits in front of him patiently. Her dæmon looks down at him and Esther, curious. Killian lowers his arms, though still carefully cradling his dæmon, and looks back up. Emma looks at him, her eyebrows raised, and he nods. She extends her arm and the ferret walks down on it, hesitating for a moment before crossing the few inches from Emma’s hand to Esther’s body with a spring. Killian pulls back a little to allow him better access without touching him. Esther looks down at the ferret, who raises on his back feet and gently wraps his tiny front feet around her neck. Killian lets out a ragged breath, relieved. Dæmons touching each other is common and generally accepted, since it’s contact between equals and doesn’t affect their humans.

Killian puts Esther down gently, and holds onto Emma’s offered hand. She pulls him to his feet and immediately in her arms. He sighs again and looks down as their dæmons have a similar moment themselves.

He pulls back gently and she understands; her dæmon leaps to her arms, and Killian bends down and picks Esther back up, holding her as close as ever. Emma pats his arm with her hand and gives him a reassuring nod. He smiles even though everything in his system is about to shut down.

He needs to rest.

He can explain everything later.


	2. Seasons 4B - 5A

The next few weeks go by in peace. Emma decides to name her white ferret dæmon Addar.

She works, and Killian researches with Belle. He seems happy and relieved from the shock of the near-separation with Esther, but she can see that he still feels guilty for trapping those people in the hat. He says that he could have avoided it (despite the pain it would have caused him), and stopped the Dark One altogether if he’d been honest from the beginning.

She tells him that only the present matters now, and he promises to make the best out of it.

They go sailing on a (appropriately) borrowed boat and watch as Esther jumps overboard to swim in the ocean. Addar watches her from the rail, wishing he could join her.

“She doesn’t like this water,” Killian says. “Too polluted, she grumbles.” Emma chuckles at that. “Maybe next time we can sail past the port to the beaches.”

Next time. She likes the sound of that and, judging by his face, he does too.

But then she takes to the skies and Emma watches in amusement as Killian throws his head back and feels the exhilaration of flying in every part of him. She may get a little jealous, but Addar can’t get that far from her. She’s seen how empty Killian looked when she first met him and he’s told her a little about how he felt when Rumpelstiltskin took Esther away from him, and she understands that he deserves this happiness.

When he takes Henry sailing, though, Emma stays behind, and sometimes Esther does too. Being the only person in Storybrooke who doesn’t have a dæmon must be even harder for Henry. He doesn’t complain, her brave young boy, but she sees it in his eyes how he wishes he could have one himself. Unfortunately, she can’t find a certain way or procedure for his dæmon to appear. So she stays behind at the docks, and Esther offers to take Addar for a short fly, always staying close to Emma. Emma closes her eyes and feels as Addar’s paws grab at her feathers, feels the excitement over the small flight. She has flown - levitated, to be clear - before, but this time she just feels calm, as if she’s the bird herself. She laughs at how life brought these circumstances, her favourite dæmon after Addar being her namesake.

As much as she loves Birch and Rydel, her parents’ redbreast and sheepdog, she finds she feels the most comfortable with Esther. They talk even when Killian is not present, Addar falls asleep curled up by her neck, and all in all, Emma really likes her. She has a few differences from Killian; she doesn’t flirt, she’s more open, making Killian blush at times, but mostly stays silent to other humans.

Still, Emma hasn’t touched her yet. She hasn’t tried, so she doesn’t know if Esther will pull back, but she knows there are times where it’s acceptable for lovers to touch each other’s dæmons. Her parents have done it occasionally, but so have other couples, so it’s not necessarily a sign of a “True Love” couple. But honestly, she feels a bit scared to take that step and suggest they do. She knows Killian won’t hesitate. It took her a long time to admit it to herself but she knows that the only reason he holds back from telling her he loves her is because he’s waiting for her to do it first.

Waiting patiently, just like she asked, living the moment and not asking for more.

A few weeks after Gold is banished, she finds the compass again. She shows it to Killian and how it works. He swallows hard when she tells him that she can ask it about everything, even things that happened in the past, but he visibly relaxes once she says that she knows better than to ask more than she needs to protect herself and others. She knows that whatever he’s done in the past is his business and he’ll only tell her when he’s ready.

When Ursula and Cruella ask to be let in, Emma consults the alethiometer about their intentions. Its sole reply is that they want to find their happy endings.

“Now that’s new information,” Regina says.

“I don’t know why it’s so vague,” Emma replies. “It usually gives very clear answers, but now it feels like it’s… not operating… fully. As if they’re stopping it somehow.”

“Maybe it’s because of Dust.”

“Dust? Why?”

“Well, it’s Dust that makes it work, it’s a messenger of facts, if you will.”

“And why do Cruella and Ursula get special treatment from it?”

“Ursula is a demigoddess. Those beings don’t get dæmons, and they’re more independent from Dust than humans are. And Cruella comes from another world, so she also doesn’t have a dæmon. Not in the literal meaning. In any case, Dust works differently with them. Are you sure you can trust that thing?”

Emma nods confidently. The alethiometer has never lied to her.

She believes even more in them after they help them defeat the Chernabog while they’re still outside the town line, and they let them in. And just the next day, while she walks to Granny’s with Killian, he stops in his tracks when they run into Ursula. The witch’s expression is grim, but she nods in salute anyway.

“I see you found your dæmon, pirate,” she says pointing towards Esther, who cringes slightly. She departs with Cruella without another word.

“I thought only your crew really knew about Esther,” Emma tells him once they’re too far to hear them.

“A few people got to know that detail and live,” he replies nervously as Esther rubs her head on his leg.

She intends to ask him more once they sit down but David appears and asks her help with the newcomers.

“Looks like duty calls,” she says and kisses Killian’s cheek before she follows David. She throws one look back at Killian, who still stands outside of Granny’s, staring at the direction Cruella and Ursula took.

Later, as she waits for her obsolete computer to download the security footage from outside Gold’s shop (the alethiometer keeps saying they stole something stolen and she needs actual evidence anyway), Killian walks in, a grin on his face and a take-out bag on his hand, Esther in tow. As they reach the office, Addar leaps from the office onto Esther, rubbing his head to hers, and Killian starts rubbing at Emma’s back with his hand. Finally, Emma asks him about Ursula and doesn’t miss Esther’s slight flinch, if only for Addar sitting on her.

His answers don’t convince her and she finally admits to herself that he _is_ holding something back. He pouts and doesn’t admit it, and it makes her feel even more nervous. They share a moment of silence before the computer beeps at the complete download, and he leaves her to her witch hunt.

His secrecy is worrying her more than the two witches right now.

After the investigation turns out void, Emma thinks about her parents, how easily she jumped to the conclusion that they were lying to her, and how silently judging Killian was probably not the best course of action. So she calls him to the station, and when he appears, she’s worried to see that Esther didn’t follow him. Or he probably didn’t let her come at all. She rubs her hands, thinking how nervous he probably is and confronts him about lying to her, immediately letting him know that she doesn’t judge his past, only him lying to her about it.

Now he _is_  nervous. He admits to having a past, an ugly one indeed, with Ursula, and that he fears it’s going to haunt his present now. Emma takes his hand and reassures him of her trust in him, that she can wait for him to reveal his past when he’s ready. His smile is sad but proud. She can’t help smiling back and leaning in for a kiss, before her parents interrupt them. Maleficent, the dragon she’d slayed back before the Curse broke, is back, alive, human and apparently, dangerous.

Everything after that happens so fast that Emma can barely keep track, let alone consult the compass. Regina tries to convince the bad girls she’s on their side, little August is kidnapped, and Gold is back in town.

Nobody misses the broken but soft wail that comes from Esther when they’re informed about that last fact, but only Emma turns her attention to them. Killian is petting her head, whispering gentle _shhs_  to her trembling figure. They destroyed the guillotine soon after Gold was banished, but that wouldn’t stop him from hurting them again.

To nobody else’s surprise, Gold also has the dagger. To everyone else’s surprise, Killian admits to his crime against Ursula in front of them and offers to try and help her.

“Don’t be hasty,” Emma tells him when they’re alone.

“We don’t have time, Swan. August is already in danger and the whole town could be as well!” he exclaims.

Emma sighs and closes her eyes. “Okay. Just be careful and… maybe you let Esther stay back with me?”

The dæmon throws a hard look at her, but Killian reluctantly nods. After reassuring her she’ll be probably safer with Emma, she rubs her head against his chin and steps back, letting him do as he pleases. Coming into any proximity with Gold without someone to protect her most possibly terrifies her; he’s broken the taboo already - repeatedly. What’s stopping him from doing so again?

“Is the past that bad?” Emma asks her, fully knowing that Killian can hear them through the dæmon’s ears.

“Well, I wasn’t there,” Esther replies. “I only know from what he’s told me and the thoughts he’s let me hear, which is quite a lot. I know what happened but I can’t predict how Ursula may feel.”

Their cover later is almost blown by Esther gasping for breath. She almost flies to Killian’s aid, and Emma barely manages to stop her. The dæmon relaxes instantly, this time. Not much later, she’s gasping - suffocating - again and Emma can only watch as she desperately flies away, her flight fast but uneven.

She wants to believe it’s a simple mishap, or that she was just missing Killian. She tries to focus on saving their friend, but she almost breaks at the sight of Ursula emerging without either Killian or Esther.

She tries to reason with the sea witch, but her turmoil doesn’t last long, for a few minutes later they both come through the cabin’s door, seemingly unharmed.

She listens to only a small portion of Ursula’s singing, but she’s sure the feeling it causes in her is even more uplifting than flying itself.

The others leave to find Cruella, and Killian stays behind silently, telling her that despite his change of heart, his past is what it is and mostly guarantees him losing his happy ending.

“Don’t you know, Emma? It’s you.”

She wants to cry, to grab him and give back all the love he’s given her, to laugh. But she doesn’t want to run, so she stays. She stays and they kiss softly, him wiping away her tears, trying desperately not to let his own fall.

They walk hand in hand back to the town and Addar doesn’t leave from Esther’s back.

* * *

She’s run to the docks, staring at the page where the mysterious Author hides behind. After having seen people interact with their dæmons, she was pretty sure Addar would start proposing she give her parents a second chance, try to see things from their perspective, but he stays respectively silent, rubbing his head against the side of her neck.

Even Killian doesn’t suggest forgiveness, and she respects his open-mindedness when it comes to August.

* * *

Yet another criminal, another dangerous person they have to be afraid of. Emma uses the compass half-terrified to know where that crazy woman has dragged Henry off to.

 _What is Cruella’s happiness?_ , she asks.

 _Freedom_ , it replies simply, and Emma never wanted to throw the damn thing to the wall and step on its pretty dial more.

 _Freedom to kill_ , they realize only too late. Cruella’s gone and for the first time Emma feels the need to reassure herself she’s not going to become a villain.

As if persuading herself will help them with Lily. Emma vaguely wonders how Regina didn’t stand out with Arcon, the red monkey on her shoulders the few times she had to wander outside Storybrooke, but she keeps silent, especially after almost knocking down a man who tried to pet Addar. The dæmon stays tucked inside her jacket as Regina tries to talk her out of it, something she barely manages.

The compass proves completely useful for once and they track down Lily, now named Starla, in a gas station cafeteria in the middle of nowhere. What Emma forgets to ask is what her true intentions are, something that she finds out too late, seeing her apartment full of maps and evidence showing Emma’s connection to Storybrooke.

Stopping Lily, and herself, and talking her into joining them isn’t easy, but they manage.

Addar and Arcon stay close to their humans during the whole trip to New York, and Emma occasionally glances in the rearview mirror at Lily. Just like Maleficent, being born with a half-dragon lineage doesn’t include having a dæmon. Emma wonders how it is for them, since technically her own dæmon was living inside her.

She hasn’t wondered how Robin managed to hide his fox dæmon in New York City for a very long time. At least Zelena’s was posing as a small squirrel and Roland’s could still change back into the tiniest of animals and insects and hide in his pockets or under his clothes.

Still she feels like an intruder when the couples - humans and dæmons - hug and wishes she could be back home, back to the safety of her family. Her parents.

It all has to wait, though, because she has to lock Zelena away and find Marian, hidden away under a sleeping curse. Thankfully, Roland’s kiss brings her back, hopefully this time for good.

After that, she has no excuse to not think about her parents.

Killian is right, and she wants to admit it, she has already admitted it herself, after a lot of bickering with Addar. Seeing how even Killian is worried and not knowing what transpired between him and her parents while she was out of town push her to finally understanding her parents’ reasoning.

And later, she wakes up, chains tying her to the floor, and even with Addar by her side she feels helpless and desperate. She remembers Storybrooke, but also the solitude and imprisonment, until Henry enters her cell. Exhausted, her throat sore from screaming, she looks up. His bright eyes look all over her, approaching carefully so as not to scare her. For the first time in what feels like years, a warmth spreads in her chest, her body is feeling more alive than ever, and she wants to smile so broad that her lips may crack and start bleeding. Her hands still chained, unable to raise them above her waist, she walks and leans onto her boy, his arms wrapping around her and finally she can go home.

The pleasant surprises don’t stop however, for right after escaping her cell, she runs into a very bewildered Killian, who can’t take his eyes off of her as she absent-mindedly rubs her hand on his chest. More light seems to fill her world as he smiles, awkwardly introducing himself to her. Emma has to hold Addar back before he leaps over to Esther to hug her, who is standing back as meekly as her human.

It’s only when they’re on board that she finds out how horrendous this Killian’s memories were. Apparently, he can still separate himself from Esther for as long and as far as he desires, and the crew he’s been working under has taken full advantage of that fact, keeping Esther chained down in the dark hold while Killian had to work off around the ship or the harbor, being allowed to see her only for a few minutes a day. At least he’s had that little, Emma thinks. The mere thought of how much Killian had lost in the real world terrifies her. In this reality, he doesn’t know why they can go so far from each other, so he just assumes he’s a freak.

However, he looks at Henry, who managed to walk this land without a visible dæmon by his side and not be burned at the stake, and Emma knows he sees understanding. She wonders what Killian really thought when they first met, when Esther was still caged in Storybrooke and Addar was not yet corporeal.

Their dæmons play as Emma teaches Killian how to use his own sword, and she doesn’t think she’s seen something cuter. The real Esther is nothing close to strict or cold, but like this version of Killian, she seems truly giddy. She’s really going to hold it over her head for a long time, when they get back.

When her evil parents and the black knights arrive, Esther spreads one protective wing in front of Addar. Luckily for them, only her parents have dæmons, since their black guards consist of Lily and a few dwarves. Unless of course, they are more horrible than the legends say and are actually capable of breaking the taboo of not touching someone else’s dæmon.

When Killian stands up for her, Emma feels her blood freeze. He’s a skilled fighter, but without his memories of that he doesn’t have many chances against those guards. But the way he speaks, his voice low and full of certainty about how it can work remind her of _her_  Killian. His eyes fix on her and he prompts her to save Henry. She runs, putting a decent distance between the two of them and Killian and the others, and watches as Killian uncertainly but valiantly fights with her father - or the evil version this reality created of him. Esther and Rydel growl at each other but don’t attack. Killian knocks David down, to his own surprise, and Rydel runs to her human’s comfort, or so it seems, for when Snow distracts Killian, Rydel jumps on Esther as David runs a dagger through Killian’s back.

“No!” Emma screams and is held back by Henry, though her panic is enough to keep her where she stands. Esther whimpers under the dog’s weight, stretching her wings in an effort to touch Killian. He leans his weight back on David, his face contorted in pain but his eyes never leaving Emma. She can only stare in horror as David pulls the dagger out and Killian keeps looking back at her as he loses his balance and falls forward.

Esther disappears in a cloud of Dust before Killian reaches the ground.

Only Henry’s loud plea and a fireball appearing on Snow’s hand wake her from her stupor and they run.

Henry can’t see her crying now. He watched Killian die himself, she knows that seeing her break down is only going to upset him more. But he believes they can save him. She smiles sadly and caresses Addar’s fur, as they reach Regina’s hideout. It’s not only Killian they lost, it’s Esther too, and she can only assume it’s as horrific for Addar as it is for her.

Her only hope is Henry’s confidence and the fact that Rydel came back before. When her mother crushed her father’s heart, everything went as normal. Rydel disappeared, but when Snow put half her heart into his chest, it only took one second for Dust to gather back and form back into Rydel, completely unharmed. She hopes the same rule can apply to Killian.

But when she’s alone with Regina, her defenses come down. The tears she was holding back run freely, and she admits how much she regrets not telling Killian she loved him. He waited patiently, loved her with everything he had and didn’t say a thing, always waiting for her move, and he might as well be dead without hearing those words from her, though she’s sure he knows. She hopes he wasn’t - _isn’t_  so insecure of his worth to believe that his feelings aren’t mutual.

With a heavy heart, and at least hoping that Regina can have her own happy ending, they try to stop the cursed wedding.

Of course, nothing goes to plan. Emma believes that Author deserves so much more than a punch from her but she still needs his powers, which he claims he lost after writing this sham of a reality.

And then Henry walks up to the pen and picks it up. He is shocked for a few moments, realizing that he’s the new Author. But he doesn’t waste any time.

A few drops of blood and the necessary ink is made.

* * *

The first thing he feels is the hard wooden floor under his side. He doesn’t feel uncomfortable, having been used to sleeping on hard mattresses or without any at all, but he’s sure this feeling is wrong, _should_  be wrong. He opens his eyes slowly and sees the kitchen of Snow White’s apartment. Suddenly, Esther is all over him and he remembers.

“Bloody hell,” he mutters and sits up, hugging his dæmon like the dear life that she is. A quick glance around shows him that everything is back, Emma’s parents lying down a few feet next to him, their dæmons sound asleep. He takes a few breaths, realizing what just happened to him, still holding Esther close. He’s been close to death so many times, but this time, he feels it in his flesh; the cold, the pain, every sense fading out, and from the way his dæmon is shaking, he’s pretty sure she felt everything too, including his own pain. Suddenly, he remembers Henry going upstairs and never coming down. He certainly needs a distraction right now, so he stands up and runs upstairs. Henry isn’t there and he feels his panic rise again.

Only a few seconds later, he hears David and Mary Margaret coming to and standing up, and Emma opening the door and frantically asking where Killian is. He slowly walks to the rail, and waits only a heartbeat to reveal his presence to his worried Swan.

Her smile makes everything worth it. She runs to him and laughs and tackles him to the bed, her hands on his hand and brace, and they’re smiling at each other and every trace of panic is gone. She’s safe, they’re all safe. She saved them. He feels Addar as he keeps licking on Esther’s neck and wrapping his small feet around it.

Finally, Emma pulls him up and sits on his lap. She’s ready, he can see it. Ready to finally drop that last wall of hers and let him in, let him tell her what he wishes he’d told her back at the town line, when he had to go back to the Enchanted Forest. Ready to get back what she’s been freely and openly giving him those past months. His smile feels unnatural, he’s so happy he can barely hold his own words back. Come on, love…

And then she drops it at the last second. Bloody hell, if he weren’t eternally grateful for her love, he would have been furious. He didn’t sacrifice his life to hear her say ‘thank you’, well, not 'I love you’ either, but it tugs at his heart to see her like this. She deserves everything she missed her whole life and does not need a soul to give her thanks to. So he’ll wait. He’ll give her time and keep it in until she’s finally, truly ready.

 _If_  she ever gets there, he thinks sadly as she smiles and leans her forehead against his.

Henry appears a few minutes later with a grey cat on his arms, happier than Killian has ever seen him. The cat transforms into an eagle, a raven, a butterfly, a lizard, a dog, a turtle, as if making up for the time she missed for trying out forms.

“He,” the apparently new Author corrects. “It’s a he, a male. It’s normal, right? Kristoff’s reindeer was male too, right?”

“It’s perfectly normal,” Snow responds. “My mother’s dæmon was female too.”

Killian confirms that by saying he’s met many people whose dæmons were the same gender as they. It’s uncommon, but not unlikely or abnormal. So Henry relaxes and pets his newfound dæmon, trying to think of a name.

“I’ve thought about naming mine Cecilia, but I can’t use that one now, can I? I didn’t expect that twist,” he admits and smiles.

For those few moments, everything is perfect. Killian relaxes, finally, thinking of the road ahead of them, until Belle enters the diner worried and asks for their help.

He looks at Rumpelstiltskin’s unmoving form and can’t help feeling that justice has been served. After what he put him through, what he put everyone else through, after promising Storybrooke had nothing to fear from him… he feels sickened at the thought that the Apprentice, whom Rumpelstiltskin tried to annihilate, is saving his near-murderer from the curse he brought upon himself.

His fears only rise when he sees the dark matter containing the Dark One’s magic float away into the town.

But it’s nothing compared to the crippling terror in his spine when he realizes Emma is about to offer herself to the Dark One to save everyone. No. She’s already suffered enough so that everyone else can have their happiness, she can’t do that to herself.

That’s what he tries to say when he grabs her, but only a few words make it past his tongue. Addar is sitting on her shoulder, and the sight of him shuddering only guts at him more. She looks at him with tears in her eyes and he bloody knows she’s going to say it now.

“I love you,” she says and keeps looking at him as the wind whips her hair on her face. His lips are frozen, his mind going numb and working way too fast at the same time. She pushes him back and valiantly holds up the dagger. His feet stay frozen on the ground and his gaze on her as the darkness consumes her, slowly covering her whole body. She looks at them, sadness and tiredness pulsing on her face.

And then she’s gone.

* * *

“Emma!”

For a few seconds, all she can register is darkness, the same sound of the whirling evil vortex surrounding her. Occasionally, she hears sentences, almost too low for her to understand. But not low enough.

_I’m sure you’ll find a good family-_

_You’ll find a home too-_

_Friends forever-_

_Tallahassee, baby-_

_I can’t be a mother-_

Suddenly, her vision clears. She looks around and realizes she’s standing in the middle of a clearing in a forest. She feels her clothes and hair are wet, and her relief is indescribably huge when she feels Addar sitting on her shoulder under her ragged cloak, though short-lived as she realizes he’s not her only company.

Rumpelstiltskin, the ex-Dark One, the apparition, whatever that is, just won’t shut up. And even with Addar by her side, she feels like she’s slowly losing her ability to ignore him and his demands. As the time passes, she realizes she’s accidentally tuning Addar’s voice out. He almost gets angry at her for that but he backs out when he realizes she can’t actually control it.

Until it’s almost too late and she’s holding the redhead’s heart in her hands, the vision telling her to crush it. She can’t even hear her dæmon’s voice any longer.

She asked of them to help her, save her from the darkness, but now she just feels like a burden. The Dark One will destroy her loved ones and the only way to stop it from doing so is to find Merlin as fast as possible. Mary Margaret pulls out the dagger and deep inside Emma wishes she would use it to stop her.

She doesn’t really know what she wants. Rumpelstiltskin, her mother, Regina, everyone talking and offering carrots and sticks in the effort to tame the monster.

Then Killian comes forward and tells her how she offered love to them, how she changed them and made them a team with hope as her only weapon. His voice is something she simply can’t ignore, and his words touch deep.

 _For you,_ because _of you-_

_I missed my chance-_

_If we can overcome our fears, then so can you._

She doesn’t have the strength to look at Merida’s face as her heart is returned, and nearly collapses in Killian’s arms. One look assures her the apparition is gone, at least temporarily.

They still need to find Merlin, however. She feels the extra magic humming under her skin, feeling exhausted from the effort it took her to overcome it and from the constant battle of this magic and the one she already had.

But the days pass, and Emma realizes that talking to Addar doesn’t help tune out the voices in her head, it even gets worse when she occasionally stops feeling connected to him. She starts wondering if that was what Gold was feeling all those years as she makes more and more dreamcatchers, hanging them in front of her window. Eventually, she can’t stop it. She follows the voices and again her dæmon’s voice is tuned out, in favor of the dagger whispering to her.

Next thing she knows, she’s lying in bed, Killian holding her hand over her. She’s told him… told him of the voice. He lies to her parents and she looks up at him. How much does he know?

Addar stays curled up on his usual spot around Esther’s neck as Henry leads them to the stables. It’s quiet again, and the revelation of Henry having a crush, mixed with Killian’s absolute _giddiness_ over it help take her mind off for a while. But only so.

“I’ve spent many years battling monsters in my head. I was able to purge them on the prow of the Jolly Roger, riding the ocean’s waves…” Killian says and trails off, looking elsewhere. Emma looks at Esther as she takes his hand in hers and tries again to imagine the time where he was alone, no soft voice to soothe his loneliness, no warm body to comfort him.

He felt it, all those years, he felt that Esther was still alive but the darkness of her cell didn’t let him feel anything from her, no signs of seeing, hearing, _feeling_ anything, so he just gave up and considered this loneliness would follow him until he died. But he made it, for centuries he was deprived of a soothing voice and he made it. Barely, he comments sometimes, but it’s enough to give her hope.

And for the first time, she flies. Not only on the horse, but now Esther’s flight can catch up with them, so Addar rides on her and Emma feels every bit of his exhilaration as he literally _flies_  right next to her. Killian turns back at her for a moment and smiles brightly.

“See what you’ve been missing, Swan,” he says.

Emma rests her cheek on Killian’s back and closes her eyes, listening to his heart racing in the same rhythm as hers.

It takes him to remind her to look around for her to realize she neither hears nor sees it anymore. The voice is gone. He made it and she has no words to thank him, but she hopes he appreciates the way she pulls his body against hers, how she tugs at his hair gently and kisses him softly.

Noon finds them still lying down in the meadow, no words needed amidst the birds chirping softly in the trees around them. He’s soft and warm underneath her and his hand is rubbing gently at her back under her cloak, the air always full of the sweet scent of the Middlemist.

She doesn’t know how much this quiet will last, but what she knows is that if she is to get rid of the voice once and for all, she has to take action. She looks up at him, his eyes closed and for the first time she allows herself to notice the dark circles under them. He’s stayed awake for her, let her share her burden with him and he hasn’t asked for anything but honesty from her.

Yeah, she definitely needs to do something.

* * *

“Let go of the Darkness…” Emma mutters as she knits the rope around the circle. “I’ve been ready to do that since I first pointed that dagger into the vortex.”

“Merlin’s just worried, Emma,” Addar tells her, curled up in her lap.

“I know, I’m not blaming him. But I’m the first Dark One who sacrificed herself to the Darkness, who doesn’t really want it and still it seems so hard to get rid of it.”

“Do you think Gold would have given it up if he’d known the way?”

“Not a chance.”

Later, Killian approaches her and Emma can’t help noticing Addar stretching his neck in search for Esther, who apparently stayed behind this time.

And then Killian finally tells her he loves her. Indirectly, and almost _blushing_ , but he does. She smiles and kisses him and doesn’t miss the sad smile on his features as he pulls back and joins the others in their mission to find Excalibur.

“It’s gonna be alright, Emma,” Addar reassures her when she pulls the ring over her head, and she gently rubs his head. She knows he wanted Esther there, so that he could hug and kiss her neck when Killian confessed his love.

Merlin and his dæmon, Nymeria, are mostly silent during their trek through the forest. She suspects it’s from their hidden fear that Emma may not make it and they may end up dead, and it doesn’t really help. But when she makes it and they walk back victorious, Emma feels a great weight being lifted off her shoulders. She’s faced the Darkness and won, she feels like she can do anything right now.

For a few moments, she thinks she’s been extremely lucky. She has the spark, everyone is safe, and the flame is finally lit.

And then those moments are over.

She takes them to their Middlemist field, hoping the sight and the scent of the flowers will soothe him. He’s scared, soft whimpers of pain and breathlessness escaping his throat. And she’s crying.

“You’re going to be okay,” she tells him.

He holds on to her with his only hand. “No, please,” he begs. “You have to let me go.”

No, no, she can’t let him go. She’s promised to herself she will never let him go. He’s promised he’ll fight for them, for their future…

“I’ll just be happy that you’ll have one.”

Emma feels despair crawl into her when he closes his eyes and leans back, his dæmon crying right next to him, head caressing his hair. That’s not enough. She can’t just give up and swallow that down, not when she can do something.

She holds Excalibur over his unmoving form, and for a moment considers his words. _I’ve succumbed to darkness before in my life, and it took centuries to push it away_. She’s seen his darkness, she knows it and for a moment stops herself. But when a soft whimper comes from Esther, she knows she doesn’t have time. She can’t see her disappear, not again, because this time it will be for good.

Tears stream down her face as she commands the Darkness to spill over. It curls around Killian’s body and slowly envelops him.

_I’m sorry, I’m sorry…_

And then he’s gone in a puff of golden smoke. She feels heavier and lighter, stronger and weaker at the same time. She’s wearing black and Excalibur is still in her hands, the name _Killian Jones_  written across it.

It’s only then that she feels Addar shouting and pulling at her clothes. She looks at him and sees his shocked face, and she realizes that the whole time since Killian collapsed he’s been trying to reach her.

“Emma…” he only manages to say.

She stands up and looks around. The sun is about to set and she doesn’t know where Killian is. She doesn’t even know if he’s shown up where she did when she turned.

“Emma, what did you do? Why didn’t you listen-”

“There’s no time for that,” she finally says, and her voice feels heavy and strange, but she keeps on. “We have to find him, we can’t leave him alone. Come on,” she says and offers her hand so he can leap on her. The dæmon hesitates for a moment before he obliges. Angry with her or not, he can’t ignore the bond that still connects them.

She locates the exit of the vault easier than she expects, but Killian is not there, and the sun has already set. She looks at the sword in her hand and for one single moment she contemplates calling him. The voices will be driving him crazy, she just hopes Esther is still around with him.

When she finally finds him, she’s terrified to see that Esther is not there after all. And he’s angry, furious with her. And the damned voice won’t shut up for him, until she reaches out. She wants to fix it, he has to believe that. She knows that, deep down, he does, but he seems so confused and disoriented right now. She talks about the house in Storybrooke, how it can be theirs to keep and live together in. Killian turns around to find that the apparition is gone, and his voice is only a whisper as he confirms it out loud, as if trying to convince himself of it.

“We can do this. We can get rid of the Darkness in both of us, for good.”

“How?” he asks, voice shaking.

“By doing what I just did with you. By going to those we love.”

Those words seem to have an apparent effect on him. He lowers his head and closes his eyes. She leans in and allows him to rest his forehead on hers as she puts her hands on his arms. Slowly, he leans in and kisses her softly. His trembling lips suddenly calm down and reach out for hers, a soft growl of satisfaction emanating from his throat. She pulls back and smiles, and he finally seems relaxed. He still looks a bit disoriented but at least he’s calmer.

Emma looks around. “Where is Esther?” she asks.

A guilty expression flashes on his face as he looks around as well, and realizes he’s left her behind. “I… I don’t know,” he says. “I appeared here with magic, I think she must be back at the vault.”

“Can you see what she’s seeing?”

“Uh… forest… she’s…” he trails off, looking once at his left, once at his right. “I can’t tell where she is.” Emma can see the panic slowly rise back in him and she grabs his shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay. Look, where do you feel her the strongest?” she asks.

“That way,” he says pointing to his left with his hook. “But also that way,” he says, pointing to the right.

_Right where she’s hidden Excalibur._

“All right, look. We split up for a moment, call out for her. She may be a bit dizzy after the turning. We’ll find her, okay?”

“Okay,” he nods and walks off to the left, giving her a small smile.

Emma sighs and goes to pick up Excalibur. She’s turned it invisible, for his and everyone else’s protection, but she knows that he’ll probably be hearing voices calling to him if she keeps it far from him for too long.

“Emma…” Addar starts.

“Don’t,” she replies.

“You have to tell him, you can’t keep it secret-”

“No. He can’t find out. If he does he won’t know whether he should ask it back or let me keep it. It’s better if he doesn’t know.”

She walks back towards the path he took and sees him arguing with the apparition. Killian looks annoyed, closing his eyes and wincing slightly.

_The whispers._

“You! Get out of here!” she shouts at Rumpelstiltskin.

“Oh, we were just talking about you!” the vision says. “Why don’t you ask her yourself?” he adds, turning towards Killian.

“Ask me what?” Emma says. “Killian, what the hell’s going on?”

She watches Killian take a few breaths before he talks, voice low and tired. “Emma, do you know where Excalibur is?” he winces back, eyes shut.

“Killian… he is manipulating you. That’s what he does,” Emma says, and at those words the vision disappears, but Killian doesn’t seem convinced.

“Are you lying to me?” Killian breathes. “I can hear it calling to the dagger, Emma,” his voice rises in volume. Emma steps closer to him, Addar resting on her shoulder, his face hidden from Killian.

“Do you have Excalibur?” he almost shouts at her.

“Yes,” she replies and, without taking her eyes off him, summons the sword in her hand. Killian barely looks at it.

“Did you use it on me?” he mutters and takes a step back, a slight expression of disgust and anger on his face.

“What?” she says, lowering her hand. “No, of course not, I was never-”

“Then why not tell me the truth?” he interrupts her. Emma opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out. Killian finally looks at the sword. “You were afraid I was gonna ask you for it? You never planned on giving it to me, did you?” his voice rises again, and Emma starts finding herself at a loss of words. He has to believe she didn’t mean to betray him.

“I did it to protect you,” she says softly. “You told me yourself you were not strong enough to resist the Darkness.”

“Which is why I begged you not to turn me into the bloody Dark One in the first place!” he shouts, pointing at her and she feels tears prickle her eyes. She looks down, feeling defeated. He’s right. “But you went and did it anyway.”

“You were dying,” she almost sobs, unable to keep it in. Why can’t he see-

“You know the worst part, Swan? When your own mother wanted to use the dagger to stop you from crushing Merida’s heart-”

No…

“- _I’m_  the one that convinced her that you needed to make that decision yourself!”

She looks back at him. She’s never seen him so frustrated before, so furious at her.

“There’s never been a moment where I didn’t believe in you, where I didn’t trust you,” he says and she has to hold back her tears. “But you clearly don’t believe in me anymore, so how am I supposed to fight this?”

No… “Killian,” she starts, but he cuts her off, waving his hand and disappearing in a cloud of smoke, leaving her alone with the sword.

“Addar,” she turns to the ferret on her shoulder.

“He’s confused,” he says. “Emma, he’s all alone. When you turned, you at least had me. We have to find Esther and bring them back together. He’s probably shutting her off without realizing it.”

She heeds his words and starts walking around the woods, calling for Esther. Not long after, she hears the flapping sound of wings and turns to see Esther tumble to the forest ground. She runs to her and in her frustration almost touches her before she realizes what she’s doing. Addar leaps from her shoulder next to the upset dæmon and pets her feathers with his small paws.

“Emma,” the swan manages to whisper.

“Esther, where is he? We have to bring you two together,” Emma says fast.

“I don’t know,” she says, shaking her head. “I can’t feel him, I can’t hear anything from him. I don’t… Emma, what did you do…”

“I’m sorry,” Emma blurts out. “It was the only way.”

“He’s in pain, Emma. We emerged from the Dark One’s vault after… after…” her body shakes from shivers as she tries to finish her sentence. “And then he disappeared. I only know that he’s upset and in pain. Emma…” she raises her head to look at her.

“We’ll find him, I promise. I’m not letting you two be alone again. Can you walk?” she asks, trying to estimate her situation.

“I… I think so,” she says softly and raises on her feet. Addar nuzzles his head against her body, but doesn’t leap on her to curl himself around her neck.

“Come on,” Emma urges them on.

After having called at him too many times and getting no response, Emma can’t stop herself from rising the hand holding Excalibur. It’s the only way. She takes a breath.

“Emma, no!” Esther shouts frantically.

“Dark One, I summon thee!”

Killian appears in front of her, his body stiffer and his face angrier than before, but Esther stays frozen next to her. Killian doesn’t even look at his own dæmon as he bursts out on Emma.

Emma steps in and gives him the sword. She doesn’t want it anymore, she has to trust him if she wants to hope they can make it. He pulls her towards him and they kiss, holding each other close and it’s only after they pull apart that Emma realizes Killian didn’t pay any attention to Esther, who’s stayed silent and frozen in place. Emma pulls Killian by the hand towards the dæmon, nudging him to hold her. Killian lets go of Emma’s hand to pet Esther’s head, but she barely seems to lean into the touch.

It’s only later Emma thinks she should have been suspicious of that. Merlin’s heart lies in Killian’s hand and Emma tries to reach him for one last time. When he pulls away again and crushes the old Sorcerer’s heart, Emma can only think of one thing; she needs to make everything right, and Killian can’t remember a thing about that. The curse is beginning to spread, and she knocks Killian out and takes his memories. She can barely feel Addar next to her above Rumpelstiltskin’s voice urging her on.

For one moment, she contemplates going outside and telling her family everything, asking for their help. But they won’t understand, and she can’t bring them into this. She has to do it alone.

* * *

The days pass, and Emma gets all the more frustrated with Rumpelstiltskin’s voice being her only company. Sometimes she allows Addar to speak to her, but it only burdens her with more guilt as he forces her to face the wrong she’s committing now. All it takes is for Zelena’s baby to be born so that no innocents would be hurt.

But she eventually realizes how much she underestimated Killian. He’s holding Excalibur, now whole, in his hand and he’s looking at her, fury written all across his face and heard in his voice.

“How could you do this to me?”

He steps forward, towards her, as she still can’t move an inch because of the squid ink. He’s taken Excalibur away, and now a dreamcatcher is in his hand. He raises it and she slowly feels more and more lost. Dizzy, she realizes he’s taken very little from her memories, but only what was enough for her to piece the puzzle together. And before she can even remember the alethiometer, he makes it appear in his hand and without a second word, he crushes it, breaking the dial and bending its body inwards. She can hear glass and metal crack and snap, before he releases it and it finally touches the ground with a soft _thump_. Her last hope.

* * *

Seeing how easy it is to tune out his own dæmon’s voice, Killian realizes why the Crocodile didn’t mind breaking the taboo. He wonders how many other people’s dæmons he has touched without their permission, or how often he used to stop listening to Evaline. He hasn’t seen nor felt Esther himself since he took off from Emma’s house and left her alone and magicless. Looking at Excalibur, he concentrates on his fury and the promise that his revenge is about to be completed in a few moments, as long as that coward manages to crawl his sorry self to the ship.

He doesn’t use magic during the fight. When he talked about a fair fight, he meant it, and in any case, he won’t stoop so low as to do so. The Darkness won’t disappoint him; that’s the reason he gave into it anyway. Love always let him down and walked away from him, while Darkness always found its way in. He might as well have welcomed it back with open arms.

Until Emma fights back. With everything to lose and very little hope, she stands up to Nimue and tries to stop her. Nimue raises her hand and starts choking her, but she still won’t stop fighting. For the first time in what feels like so long, Killian feels his heart racing, he hears a cry, and then he’s flying…

_Esther._

And Emma is still looking at him, still fighting Nimue’s grip. And it’s over.

He only hopes it’s not too late to fix it as he turns towards Nimue. It takes all his strength to not let the Darkness break out from the blasted sword, as it feels heavy and hot in his hand. He senses Esther flying towards him, sees Emma with tears in her eyes, offering to take his place.

“You were right. I was weak, so let me make up for it now by being strong!”

_You have to let me go._

He almost breaks while Emma gathers the strength to raise the sword and lunge at him. He can feel Esther coming closer, closer, shouting his name in her thoughts… but he can’t wait, and Emma’s face, oh Gods…

It’s worse than anything he’d imagined. As the sword pierces him, he leans into Emma’s arms, struggling to not fall down. He cups her face, watching as she turns back… golden hair on her back, bright eyes, her leather jacket…

As he falls, he can hear Esther’s cry and feel her fall as well.

The last thing he sees is her turning into Dust a few yards away from him, before the final darkness overtakes him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, editing that wasn't actually as painful as writing it! Don't worry, this fic is still canon-friendly and we got one more chapter to go!
> 
> Though Marian is alive and happy, ok? Ok.


	3. Season 5B

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A took some liberties with the plot here, changing or adding or removing some events. I don't think a lot of you will mind, but just a note :)

Emma faintly registers the sky turning brighter. She's locked herself in the bathroom, one hand holding Addar against her body, the other clutching Killian's ring. She stayed there all night, despite the occasional pleas from her parents to open the door or talk to them. She's run out of tears, body tired from the sobs that shook it all night, feeling numb. Addar is nuzzled against her chest and hasn't said a word; she has forgotten how stronger their connection felt without the Darkness intervening. The sun rises and Emma finds herself unable to move.

Until she hears the whispers.

Sitting up, she feels perplexed. The Darkness is gone; that's why she had to... do what she did in the first place. Addar looks at her frustrated as well. She knows she can't tune his voice out now. She stands up and walks to the living room. Her parents are sleeping, though apparently uneasily so, so she steps outside and follows the whispers.

As Gold explains the situation, Emma can feel her blood boil. Killian sacrificed himself - he didn't even have to spare that monster's life - and it all was in vain. She lost him so that Gold could have everything.

She won't accept that, and she can't just stand by. She feels that threatening the Dark One is the least she's capable of.

The first thing she does once she walks out of the pawn shop is to go to the hospital and preserve Killian’s body with magic. It always makes her shiver, how they look so much at peace, but this time she simply looks at his face to fuel her determination.

The next time she will look at his real body again, he’ll be alive.

When the boat appears on the lake, Emma takes a look back at her loved ones. They're not giving up on her, even if in a way she wishes they stayed back for this. But she knows she needs a helping hand down there. Who knows what it will be like down there, how and when they'll find him. She only knows that they  _will_.

It's scary, for one thing. There is no afterlife for dæmons, they simply disappear forever. Some say that those who move on manage to reunite with their own when they reach Heaven, but for now, Emma feels shivers run down her spine as she watches the souls wander around without dæmons to accompany them. It's nothing like it was when she got out of Storybrooke to find Robin, for now she knows that those people have wholly lost their dæmons.

And if it weren't for that, there are also the Harpies looming around. Large, flying beasts with deafening screams that attack random souls, causing them to scream in agony. Gold advises them to keep away from those; these attacks would have killed those souls if they weren't already dead.

It doesn't take them long to realize that they can't locate Killian easily. They hear rumours of an underground prison where Hades keeps the souls he wants to punish, but no one has escaped from those. With a few drops from that ale - whatever that was - Killian half-appears standing on his own grave. He seems unhurt, but he's barely visible, and he doesn't seem to hear or see her, no matter how frantically she tells him to look or talk to her.

He disappears before he manages to say a word.

Shortly after, they find a woman in the woods, on the verge of madness. She tells them about how Killian helped her escape, though she fears he took the burn for it from the Harpies - those prisons are home to many more Harpies than the above ground Underworld - but it lets Emma know he's heard her. And it makes her even more determined to find him now.

Luckily, Gold seems to be of help, as he finds his ex-wife - Milah - and enlists her to help them reach the underground prisons.

As they walk through the caves, Emma glances at the other woman - beautiful, confident, snappish, exactly how Killian had described her. What she didn't expect was her being standoffish, though the way Gold introduced them probably didn't help. Milah shoots glances towards her too, as well as her dæmon on her shoulder, but doesn't say anything for a long time. At last, they seem to reach corridors with dungeons on each side, the screams from Harpies and souls alike heard from afar.

"We have to split up," she offers, and Gold snorts. She throws him a glare, but he doesn't budge.

"You think you can avoid those Harpies on your own? And don't even think about using magic - it will only infuriate them and alert Hades of our presence here."

"I will go this way," Milah says as she points towards a corridor, "and we can meet back here in ten minutes."

Emma nods. "Milah, wait," she tells her.

The other woman turns towards her, her gaze having finally softened enough for Emma to find the courage to tell her about Neal. Her stiff posture seems to calm down once she hears about her son.

"Thank you," she says softly. "Thank you so much." She means it. "Now, let's go find Killian, all right?"

The distant screams make Emma feel uneasy. She doesn't want to imagine one of them being Killian's. She has no idea where he is, what state he's going to be in, if he'll even remember her...

She only walks where her instinct is taking her. Holding onto Killian's ring tight, she turns and turns around the corridors, knowing full well that she has to go back soon to meet with the others at the start before they search again.

Suddenly, she hears a high-pitched shriek right behind her. She barely has time to turn around before she sees the Harpy lunging at her, pinning her to the ground. Addar has fallen a few feet next to her and screams her name, as Emma tries to fight the monster off of her. 

Just before the Harpy's hands curl around Emma’s throat, someone grabs the monster by the hair and pulls them back. The Harpy screams, which is no comforting sound, but soon turns towards her attacker and lifts off of Emma, who in shock realizes that her rescuer is no other than Killian. He gives her one look, and without a word he shakes his head at her, as if begging her to not make any move. He looks scared, and tired, but determined. The Harpy walks toward him, her long wings slack on her back, and she suddenly grabs him from the neck, pinning him to the wall. His mouth opens, his eyes close shut and his body tenses as the Harpy screams into his mouth.

Emma tries to move to help him, but Addar steps on her lap and stops her.

"No, Emma! She will kill you!" he says.

"I have to help him!" she whispers desperately, but truly, she knows he's right. She holds Addar close and watches as the Harpy hurts Killian. Finally, she's through, and she lets Killian fall to the ground half-conscious. She turns towards Emma, her expression no less furious than before. She hisses at her and turns around, spreading her wings and flying away.

Emma looks back at Killian and crawls next to him. He doesn't look wounded or in any form of physical pain, but he looks pale, exhausted and... lost. She cradles his head, caressing his cheeks with her thumbs. His skin is cold.

"Killian..." she whispers.

He opens his eyes for a moment, looking at her before he closes them again. "I told you to let me go," he says, and his voice sounds strained and dry. "You shouldn't be here. Nobody should."

"I never listen," she says, feeling confident.

He smiles slightly and opens his eyes. "You're impossible."

She smiles back. "And you love me for it."

For a moment, Emma thinks he's passed out. She looks at Addar. She knows what he's going to do and she feels extremely nervous, but deep down she wants it too so she doesn't stop him. Addar walks slowly towards Killian, and finally reaches up and licks his cheek. Emma feels goosebumps all over her body and Killian jerks his eyes open. 

He looks first at the dæmon, then at Emma, whose smile seems to encourage him to lift up his hand and pet the ferret's head. Again Emma feels a wave of warmth spread over her at the touch as Addar leans into it. The two nuzzle together for a bit and Emma wishes Esther were here... before she realizes that her not being here was the very reason Addar stepped up and touched Killian for the first time.

Killian finally sits up and Emma wraps her arms around him. He only manages to hold on to her arm, but she feels relief for the first time in days, if not weeks. She has no idea what the Harpy actually did to him, he doesn't say. He simply leans on her as they walk slowly towards the meeting point.

"Killian... there's something you should know." She waits until she's sure she has his attention and goes on. "Gold tricked us, all of us. I don't know how he did it, but, he enchanted Excalibur somehow so that..." Killian has already turned towards her, "so he could be the Dark One again."

"What?" Killian blurts and stops on his tracks. He stays frozen for a few moments, looking at her perplexed. "That's not possible. The Darkness died, it died with me, this isn't..." his voice trails off.

"I know," Emma rushes to reassure him. "I don't know how that was possible or how he thought of it. That's why I came down here."

"My sacrifice was for nothing." Anger slowly builds up in his expression.

"It won't be once we fix this," she tries, reaching closer to him.

"I'll kill him," he whispers, looking down, and Emma knows that he means it. After having seen his rage as the Dark One, she knows that this threat is real.

Yet she can't find herself to care, besides from the fact that they actually need Gold's help.

"We need his help to get out of here."

He looks back up at her again. "And then I'll kill him." She knows he can see the same rage he feels in her eyes. She wouldn't oppose to it, damn it, she would have stabbed Gold first chance she got if that didn't turn her into a Dark One again. But for now they need him.

"Let's just go home," she says softly and reaches to touch the brace on his left arm. Addar walks down her arm onto Killian's shoulder and nuzzles his head by his neck. Killian looks up at Emma and smiles softly. Emma guesses she'll never get used to the excitement this kind of touch brings her.

The finally reach the meeting point at the beginning of the dungeons. Milah has her back turned on them, her arms crossed, but once she hears footsteps, she whips around and stays frozen for a moment. Emma smiles and nudges at Killian, whose head is hanging low with exhaustion. He shoots it up towards Emma, and she nods towards the other woman. Killian turns to look at Milah.

There is no word to describe the emotion on his face. He tries to run towards her, but he barely manages two steps before he almost collapses on the ground. Emma keeps him steady as Milah runs towards them as well. She lets go once Milah is close enough to wrap her own arms around him. They hug and get down on their knees, and Emma is happy to realize that she doesn't feel a hint of jealousy. She looks at Addar and they smile at each other. Killian and Milah pull apart and as Emma thinks they're going to stand up, Milah leans forward and kisses him and, wow, that's awkward. Emma looks away to give the couple their moment as she brushes her fingers in Addar's short fur. She looks at Gold instead, who has his back completely turned away from the couple, his lack of patience showing.

So be it, Emma thinks.

Milah helps Killian stand up, and she runs her fingers along his brace and hook. The two look at Gold, and Emma follows, and with three sets of eyes - four, with Addar - glaring at him, all Gold can do is flick his wrist and poof them all back into the living room. Of the house that was supposed to be theirs, that  _will_ be theirs, Emma reminds herself.

Emma nods at Milah, and the latter takes Killian to the couch as Emma and Gold step into the kitchen.

"We still need a boat to get out of here," Gold notes, caressing the snake on his arm.

"I seem to have noticed, thank you," Emma says.

"It's about time you said that," he replies with a smirk.

Emma rolls her eyes and scoffs.

"And there's still the matter of him finding a heart."

"I've got that one covered."

"You think you can do it yourself?"

Emma shrugs. "I have a few unpleasant memories of ripping people's hearts out," she gets a glare from Gold at that and a short hiss from his dæmon, probably for the Merida thing, as if his crime was less horrible, "and I'm not sure I'm actually willing to do it on my own."

Gold raises his eyebrows. "Would you give me the honour?" he asks, waving his hand.

"Like you did with her?" she retorts, pointing towards Milah with her head. She hears a soft mumbling sound from Addar for her crassness, and it does make her feel a bit guilty. She lowers her gaze and drops the subject. Suddenly, Milah raises from the couch, and gives Killian's shoulder a small squeeze before she walks towards the door. Emma follows her, but before she can say anything, the other woman speaks first.

"Hey, Emma, I wanted to say I'm sorry for... before... I was a bit too-"

"Don't worry about it," Emma says with a shake of her head. "I understand," she adds and she smiles.

Milah smiles back and goes to open the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To bring reinforcements."

"Reinforcements?"

"We still need to find a way against Hades, right? I think the more of us you have on your side, the better."

"Who are you going to find?"

"Killian's brother. Liam. He's here," she says with a small smile before she exits through the door.

Emma looks at the door, her mouth slightly agape at the new information. Liam. Now that's someone Killian never felt too awkward talking about. And Emma's going to meet him... suddenly her gaze falls on Killian, who is still sitting on the couch, his gaze down and restless. Emma turns towards Gold.

He sighs. "I guess I need to inform the others of our success," he says but, before he can poof away, everyone barges in from the front door. David, Regina and Robin walk to Emma, while Henry and Snow rush over to Killian, obviously overwhelming him.

"Heart-split?" he barely whispers.

"It's a good plan, it will work. Trust me," she says.

"But... what about Esther? She's gone."

"So was Rydel," David says, petting his sheepdog's head. "But she came back right after Snow's heart was put inside me."

Killian nods reluctantly, stepping back to give Regina space. But it doesn't work.

There's something particularly creepy about seeing your own name written on a tombstone. Faceless, emotionless, alarming.

Technically, they're not dead, but they still can't leave. Killian tries to pull away, searches around as if hoping he can find Esther and confide in her. As they poof back home, Emma tells the others to leave; Liam is coming at any moment and Killian already seems overwhelmed.

She sits on the couch and rubs Killian's shoulder with her hand. Even in the sunlight, tinted red as it is, he still looks pale, and his skin is still cold. Slowly, she leans in to kiss him, but he pulls away, looking elsewhere. For one treacherous, horrible second, the thought 'Milah gets a kiss but I don't' crosses her mind and she hates it.

"What's wrong?" she asks.

"A lot of things are," he says. "A lot has happened between us."

"That's in the past."

"It's a problem, and I'm that. Emma, you were the Dark One for six weeks, and only gave into the Darkness out of love. I plunged in head first in a  _second_ , for revenge. I was weak!" he grumbles and stands up, walking around nervously. Emma catches herself looking around for Esther, for some help to back her up in convincing him.

"Not in the end," she finally says. She's feeling her own confidence rise now. She didn't come all this way for nothing.

"You raised the bar very high, Swan. The fact is, I don't measure up."

Oh, for crying out loud. "Let me be the judge of that." She stands up and walks to him. "If you didn't, would I have come all the way down here to save you?"

"That's my point," he says. "I'm not sure I deserve saving."

_What?_  "What are you saying? You want to stay down here?"

And right then someone knocks the door. Wonderful. She wants to blast anyone who dares interrupt them away but she tries to keep her composure. It could be her parents, Henry, anyone. She opens the door and sees Milah standing next to a man, who smiles as soon as he spots Killian.

"Killian," he says.

Killian looks at him awestruck. "Liam?" he asks, his voice uncertain.

"So the rumours are true. After all these years, my little brother is finally here," Liam says.

Emma has a strange feeling in her gut, as if Liam is happy to learn that Killian has died. However, the look on Killian's face distracts her from that. She can't help smiling as he, almost absent-mindedly, puts his hand and hook on his brother's arms, the other man returning the gesture. Liam finally puts his arms around Killian, and Killian's face finally turns from disbelief to relief and happiness, however slightly contained. He leans into the embrace and slowly hugs him tighter before he pulls away and looks at all three of them in disbelief. The three people he loved the most in his life, meeting each other for the first time. It's weird.

And even weirder is how Liam and Milah keep trying to cover the fact that they’re staring at Addar. Emma wishes she could give them the freedom to touch him, if only to feel the touch of a dæmon after having spent centuries without one, but she knows it's not something anyone would find acceptable; Addar touched Killian for the first time less than an hour ago. The ferret turns to look at her. He understands her frustration but is respectively reluctant to touch the others.

As they sit down and talk, Emma notices Killian's hand resting on his lap, unconsciously trying to reach for a swan's head that is no longer resting on it. Even with Milah warming up to her, Emma still feels awkward, what with her earlier conversation with Killian being interrupted and not brought up again. How could she tell in front of them that she's here to bring him back, while nobody did that for them?

"Milah, I think you should move on," Killian says.

She grins and shakes her head. "No way am I-"

"Hades has already trapped Liam and Emma here. I cannot let him hurt you too."

"But I want to help! I can't just leave you here like that."

Killian reaches over and takes her hand in his. "Your unfinished business is over, right?"

She nods, and turns to Emma, giving her a soft smile.

"Then please, do what's best for you. I already have more help than I could ever hope for. Please."

She sighs. "Fine. But only if you at least let me help you find that book."

Emma had heard a lot of things about Liam. His bravery, his selflessness, his wit and logic. So the  _last_ thing Emma expected from him is to berate her.

"If Killian defeats Hades today, he'll forgive himself, and he'll have another chance to move on. When that happens, stop thinking about your own desires and let him go."

It's all Emma can do to convince Addar to stop gritting his teeth at Liam. She expected a few bumps in getting to know Killian's brother, but listening to him call her out on her mistakes hits hard; probably because of how much she knows he loves Killian. And she's scared of what influence Liam could have on him, after what he told her. Killian already looked reluctant to accept Emma's offer to be brought back, if he had Liam to back him up, well, that would make things even harder.

If only Esther was there now, to gawk some sense into his head.

And so, as they search around the Apprentice's house for the book, she splits up with Milah.

"What do those Harpies do?" Emma asks.

Milah shakes her head discouragingly. "They're vengeful creatures, entitled by Hades to the role of keeping things the way they are here. They... reach into your soul, making you remember your guilt and they feed off from the misery this causes you."

"And that could kill us?"

"You don't want to go through that, Emma. It may be fatal, I honestly don't know. You're the only living souls coming here that I’ve seen in my years. But they can't do worse than cause us pain. But only because we're already dead, I gather."

Emma decides to drop the subject, not wanting to imagine what that Harpy forced Killian to remember.

"What has Killian told you about Liam?" she asks instead.

"Oh, many things. He's got him pretty high up in the pedestal, if you ask me."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Killian seems... different now, from how I knew him. Of course, I can understand, a few centuries can do that to you but... Killian always looked up to his brother. In rare times, he would tell me that he felt like he'd failed him."

"Always to the extreme, right?"

Milah shrugs. "Honestly, Liam never talked too much. Time is not of the essence for us here, we can't really feel how much time is passing, yet... I'd hoped I could at least learn something more about him. Like what his unfinished business even is."

"You don't know?"

"I think not even  _Liam_ knows what his unfinished business is. As if he doesn't want to accept it."

But even with that, Emma's nagging feeling won't subside.

"Milah... I'm here to bring Killian back."

Milah turns to her. "Yeah, I got that."

"What do you think of it?"

"I'm happy you had the chance to do it and took it. Are you asking me if I'm jealous? Because nobody did that for me?"

"Well..."

She shrugs. "As strange as it sounds, there's nothing for me to go back to now. My unfinished business is no more, and that is enough."

Emma looks at the other woman, wondering what this... afterlife has been like for her. Not knowing about Neal, about Killian... being fine with no one coming back for her...

"And what do you think about Killian? Shouldn't he move on too?"

"What does it matter what I think? It's his decision to make." Milah looks closely at Emma, and she understands. "He's not too sold on this idea, is he?"

Emma shakes her head. "And Liam seems to agree."

"Maybe that's the problem," Milah says, seeming thoughtful.

"What do you mean?"

"Let me guess; Killian always presented to you a positive image of Liam, didn't he?"

"Yeah..."

"And how often has he presented a truly positive image of himself? He's lived a lot of his life judging himself for not being as good as Liam, and now..."

"You think Liam doesn't want him to live his life?"

"I think he's missed him. I've missed him too," Milah confesses sadly, "but with Liam... it's different. He'd taken care of him for so long... I can't really put it. I just don't blame Liam for wanting him to move on."

"Instead of having a second chance at life?"

"Look, I agree with you, but I think Liam sees it differently. He probably thinks that Killian doesn't have that much to go back to, or that at least he will be at peace when he moves on, I don't know... I can see that you love him, Emma, but we love him too. What is it that he can do up there that he can't do if he moves on?"

Before Emma has any time to think on that, Killian hurries into the room. "We found it!" he proclaims.

Upon further search, however, they realize that the pages they need are already missing. Or torn from the book, if the marks are anything to show by.

"You found the book, Liam. Was there any evidence it had been tampered with?" Emma asks, paying attention to his body language.

"No," he replies, and Emma worries at her lie detector not tingling. He is telling the truth, and she is upset about it.

Damn, he really needs to talk to him. And Killian.

As they start splitting up to search further, Emma finally confronts Liam.

"I think you know what your unfinished business is," she says, calmly. "You just don't want to admit it."

"Oh? And who are you to tell me so? Maybe you could even elaborate on what it is?"

"I don't know. I may have an idea or two, but I don't know that much. I feel that it has to do with Killian."

"So you think I lied to my brother?"

"I don't know... yes," she admits, straightening her posture. "But I believe it was with right reason."

Liam huffs and turns around.

"I just want you to know that I have my reasons too. I don't want to bring him back just for me. I want to give him a second chance, to fix the wrong someone else did." Emma sighs. "I wanted to show you this," she says, showing him the ring Killian gave her. "Do you know what Killian told me when he gave me that? That it belonged to a much better man than him. You're his hero, and I think you know that very well."

Liam dips his head, a small smirk that is so like Killian's on his lips. "I was there for him when nobody else was, and he for me. The feeling is mutual."

"Does he know that?" she asks, almost ready to reach her point. Liam raises an eyebrow at her, looking offended. But before anyone can say anything, Killian walks up to them.

"Liam, Emma, what's going on?" he asks.

"Emma thinks I'm lying to you," Liam says without hesitation, and Killian looks back at her.

_If that's how you wanna play, buddy..._

"I think he knows exactly what his unfinished business is, and it has to do with you, Killian," Emma starts, bold at first, but her voice slowly drops as she sees Killian's face turn bitter, "and that he's simply not admitting it."

Killian gives a side glance at Liam, then shakes his head and turns back to Emma. "This isn't about my brother," he says.

"What is it about?" she asks, genuinely confused.

"Us. You think that proving that Liam is lying will somehow convince me that I'm a good man, that I deserve saving... and a future with you."

His words cut deeper than she could have imagined. "How can you agree with that? I came here-"

"- without even knowing what you were up against," he interrupts her. "And who is to blame you don't have the alethiometer to ask?" he asks, his face falling.

Emma looks down for a moment, remembering Killian destroying the compass in front of her eyes. She's been trying to fix it, but her magic hasn't been enough to restore it properly.

Emma looks back at Killian, his heartbroken expression tearing her apart. She knows that he wants to be with her more than anything else, but it breaks her heart that he thinks he doesn't deserve it. Because as many times as she tells him he does, he has to forgive himself first.

She walks far from the manor without even realizing it, Addar curled on her folded arms. She can tell how much he misses Esther, how upset he gets by seeing all those souls without their dæmons. She walks and walks until she hears footsteps behind her. She turns and sees it's Liam, his hands in his jacket pockets, approaching her casually.

Great. She sighs. All of her hopes of having a good relationship with Killian's family...

"Hey Emma," he says as he reaches her. "Things got a bit heated back there..."

She looks at him and vaguely wonders if "heated" is a word he would use when he was alive or if he picked it up here, in this distorted version of Storybrooke. "And?" she says simply.

Liam purses his lips in a tight smile. "I didn't really intend to come between you and Killian. I can tell you care for him, but really, Emma, I think you understand that I want what's best for him as well."

"And what is that?" she pushes, raising her eyebrows. "What do you think it is that Killian deserves?"

He sighs. "Peace. He's had a hard life. Perhaps it's time to help him-"

"Liam," Emma sighs. "How long had you been taking care of Killian?"

"Our whole childhood," he says, emphatically. "I hope you can understand that that-"

"That meant Killian learnt to hold onto you. I know why he does that, but did you ever think that he can stand on his own feet, and that you can take a step back and let him do it on his own?"

"I was just helping him."

"Exactly. When did you let him help you? Did you ever show him that you need him too? That the fact that you cared for him wasn't because you thought he was incapable of taking care of himself, but because you wanted to see him happy? Liam, you were just a kid-"

Her phrase is cut short by a high-pitched shriek coming from above the woods. Flapping sounds accompany the shriek and finally they see a Harpy emerge from behind a tree.

Immediately, Liam steps front. "Emma, step back," he says.

"But-"

"Emma, she could kill you! The worst she can do to me is... incapacitate me. She'll fly away afterwards." He turns to her and for that moment, she sees the heroic face Killian probably looked up to. So high up he probably thought he could never reach it.

The Harpy lunges forward, towards Liam. Now is probably her only chance. She pushes Liam aside and stands her height in front of the beast. Without a second thought, Emma talks to her.

"Wait! Why are you doing this?"

"Emma!" Liam says, standing up from where Emma had pushed him down.

"Wait," she says and motions him to stop. She ignores his terrified face and turns to the Harpy, who lands on her feet and watches her.

"It's my job," a rough, deep female voice comes from her mouth. "To keep things in balance."

"You feed off on people's regret. What if someone doesn't have any regrets?"

"Those souls don't belong in the Purgatory. They move on.”

"So you haven't tried plucking happy memories out of people?"

"The souls are unwilling to hand them on."

"Okay, then. How about me? I could give you a happy story," Emma says, trying to calm her erratic heartbeat and a shaking Addar on her shoulder.

The Harpy stands taller, looking at Emma. "Interesting, mortal. Why would you choose to risk your life for a dead soul? My games can't kill the dead. But you..."

"Because nobody else has done it before," Emma replies, feeling her confidence boost as the Harpy listens to her. "They have nothing left to lose, so why would they fight back?"

"But you, mortal..." the Harpy says and raises her clawed hand, letting it hover a few inches away from Emma's neck.

"Emma..." Liam whispers, but Emma calmly shushes him.

"Yes, I have something to lose. But I'm..." she takes a breath, trying to calm down from the threat the Harpy imposes, "I'm willing to show you that you're capable of more than what Hades has asked of you."

The Harpy withdraws her hand, but only slightly. Emma takes another deep breath.

"Look, I... I have regrets. I don't think there's one person in any world that doesn't. But one of- one of my biggest regrets is- is giving up on hope." Emma's voice wavers, and it takes Addar to put his tiny legs around her neck to help her steady it. "For a long time, I thought that I would never experience true love, that I would never find someone that would love me as much as I did them... and after some point, that I would be incapable of loving someone else. But now I'm here, with... with my family supporting me in something so risky, wanting to right a wrong and bring back the man I love..." her breath halts as the Harpy stretches her arm, gently placing her fingers around Emma's neck, causing Addar to withdraw on her shoulder. But the Harpy is merely touching her neck, not gripping it, and closes her eyes, breathing in...

"You're telling the truth," she says.

"Yes," Emma says and smiles. "I am. And now I truly believe that. That even if I spent so long thinking I wasn't worthy of love, now I appreciate and accept every loving gesture I get. And that could be true for all souls. No matter their unfinished business, everyone has a happy story to tell. Does it really make you happy, making them miserable?" Emma can hardly believe the words coming out of her mouth. She never thought she would be so inspired under that kind of pressure.

Finally, the Harpy breathes in one last time and withdraws her hand again, only to touch Emma's forehead for a moment before she smiles - yes, smiles - and turns around, flying away.

It's only then that Emma realizes Liam is right by her side, who catches her by her arm as she momentarily loses her balance.

"Are you alright?" he asks, his eyes wide open.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Emma breathes, shocked at her own resistance.

"How the bloody hell did you do that?"

"No idea," she replies, holding Addar close to her chest, letting him nuzzle on her.

"Did you just risk your life to spare me some pain?" His face hasn't changed from the one of utter surprise he's had since the Harpy left.

"Yeah... yeah, I did." She turns to him. "How does that feel?"

Liam shakes his head. "Weird, coming from you. I thought you hated me."

"I don't hate you," Emma says, turning her attention back to her dæmon. "You may get on my nerves a bit, but that's all."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I don't know, I'm feeling okay and I didn't scream, did I? Wait, were you worried?"

"Of course I was! If the Harpy killed you, how could I face Killian after? How could I have the courage to look at him after I'd failed to..." his voice trails off as he thinks. "Wait... you didn't do this on purpose, did you?"

"What? Risk my life to show you my perspective? I'm not that desperate." She looks back at Liam. "But did it do anything?"

"Well, I'm not used to being protected... and if I had failed to help you, I- I wouldn't forgive myself..."

"And do you think Killian would have blamed you?"

"No, no, he wouldn't..." he shakes his head and lets it rest on his palm. "You think that's what he needs? To learn to blame me?"

"What he needs is for us to talk  _to_ him and not  _about_ him. But I think he's put a lot of blame on himself for not being like you, and that you know that. That's why you couldn't move on."

"Because I was scared I didn't raise him to believe in himself enough," he admits.

"It's not your fault, Liam," Emma says and puts her hand on his arm, piquing his attention. "You were both very young. Killian eventually chose his path, but I think he deserves to hear it from you. That he doesn't need to hold himself to a standard he thinks is too high for him."

Liam nods. "I think we've talked enough  _about_ him. Shall we?" he says and points back to the direction of the manor with his head.

Emma watches and listens from afar as the two brothers converse on their unfinished business. Killian's denial slowly dissolves into acceptance. It must not be easy to see your role model admit to you that he’d done you wrong, that he always feared he wasn't a good enough role model in the first place.

However, she can only imagine how that must be like for Killian. "We didn't have one," Addar whispers to her and she pets his fur.

But even if Liam has admitted what his unfinished business is, there's still the matter of convincing Killian. Liam seemed to trust her after she calmed down the Harpy and probably turned her with them, but that was only the start.

Finally, Killian walks towards her, and she appreciates Liam standing back for this one. She wouldn't want this moment to feel as if she's in court, trying to convince everyone.

"Did you really stand up to a Harpy to save Liam?" Killian asks once he reaches her.

"Well, not only for Liam," she admits. "I think this Harpy might stop hurting people in general now, so that would be like, a bonus or something. Aren't you worried I did?"

He raises his eyebrows and tilts his head. "You're safe. And I'm not really surprised you took that risk." He smiles.

She smiles back. "Look, Killian, I know you think you don't deserve me coming to save you, but - let me finish," she says when she sees him purse his lips and look elsewhere, "this isn't just about me. You could have lived, Killian. We could have found another way to stop the Dark Ones and get rid of the Darkness inside us. When I saw that Gold still had magic, I felt so furious... that you were gone and lost in vain. And I wanted - still want - to make it right."

"By bringing me back?"

Emma huffs. "Okay, you know what? I'm just gonna be clear. Do you still want to make up for your past?"

Killian looks confused. "What?"

"Do you?"

"Of course I do. Why do you think-"

"And are you still willing to help us? To help others?"

"Yes," he replies in a soft voice.

"I want to give you the chance to keep doing that. I know it sounds ridiculous or crazy, but if you're judged, and if you stay here, you won't be actually able to help others. Killian... you have a life back up there, you can have the choice to do that... to forgive yourself on your own terms."

That seems to pique his interest. He looks at her, and a tiny smile appears on his lips. However, he only nods.

She leans in and puts her arms around him. He's hesitant at first, but finally he relaxes in her embrace.

Emma can't be sure, but she thinks that once Megara moved on, she was reunited with her dæmon. Hercules didn't have one to begin with, and there was so much light for Emma to see if her dæmon was back.

She keeps that to herself as Killian and Milah separate from her and Liam to say goodbye. She doesn't want to give them false hope.

Emma doesn't feel jealous, but she turns away as Milah and Killian kiss goodbye as a show of respect to their old love. Milah caresses Killian's face and walks along the bridge, stopping mid-way to wait for Liam and turns around.

Killian's face is devastating. She knows what he knows; eventually, and hopefully after many long and happy years, he will reunite with them for good. But still this doesn't stop him from embracing his brother like his life depends on it. For a few years, it probably did, Emma thinks sadly.

Eventually, the brothers separate, Liam tousles Killian's hair and finally moves to meet with Milah. Emma approaches Killian and holds his hand when she sees unshed tears in his eyes. She's never seen him cry before, and with Esther missing, she only hopes she can be enough help for what comes next. She watches Liam and Milah walk towards the light, but as she holds Killian's hand, she feels the slightest tug at it, as if he's holding himself back from following them. She looks back at him and sees tears run down his cheeks and his lower lip bit between his teeth.

Finally, the two pass the threshold. Emma can barely make out their figures, but it's enough to see a dog rubbing his head on Liam's feet, and a small animal, probably a raccoon, resting on Milah's shoulder, their humans responding to their touch with obvious happiness, before the light consumes them and they disappear from view. Emma turns to Killian, and she now spots his trembling chin.

"Alinda... Macon..." he whispers and starts sobbing, falling to his knees as Emma wraps her arms around him. Addar walks to his lap and lets Killian hold him tight to his chest as he cries, his shoulders shaking from sobs. Emma rubs circles on his back, her forehead resting on his temple, her own eyes running after a few moments. She's never seen him like this, so vulnerable, so broken, so open, even back before he was reunited with his dæmon. Now he lets Emma comfort him and touches Addar with all his love, weeping until he doesn't need it anymore. Finally, his tears dry from his face and he stands up. He looks at Emma, his eyes red, and he smiles.

"My unfinished business is defeating Hades. Then we get out of here," he says.

"We," Emma repeats and feels more tears threatening to spill.

Killian lets Addar rest on Emma's shoulder again. He pets his fur one last time before he turns to Emma again. "Yes. I’m sorry I doubted you, Emma. Nothing I can do will ever fully express my gratitude for what you've done."

He leans in, and Emma finds herself so happy she's unable to respond; so he moves for her and kisses her. She kisses back and runs one hand through his hair, the other wrapping around his waist and her leg around his. They kiss and she realizes how much she's missed it, breaking it to give him numerous kisses on his lips, which slowly lift upwards for a soft smile. She rests her forehead on his and they stay there for a while, two lost souls reunited against all odds, right in front of the pass to Heaven.

If she wasn't so damn excited, she would have wondered how weird her life has become.

She barely sleeps through the next days, though Addar dozes off once in a while as he rests on her shoulder or lap. They still have to find a way to defeat Hades, and with Zelena, her baby, and an apparently pregnant Belle ending up in the Underworld as well, things are getting even more complicated.

When she does give herself the chance to sleep, she regrets it for the nightmare it brought on her. Watching her mother die in the past was enough. Having nightmares about it happening really soon, well...

And then her mother is gone. In a good way, of course, but still Emma knows she'll miss her for the days it will get them to go back up to Storybrooke. Days... Killian senses her worry and wraps his left arm around her right one, and prompts Addar to leap on his shoulder and rest. As he does, Killian starts petting his white fur, softly combing his fingertips through the short hair. Immediately, Emma feels a warmth spreading along her spine, feeling the comforting touch on her own body. She rests her head on Killian's arm as they walk back home, rubbing his bicep with her free hand.

And finally,  _finally_ , it's over. Emma feels goosebumps in her spine, and actually sees Addar's coat rise up, as Hades himself approaches them in the middle of the street, appearing non-threatening. She still has to get used to the idea of him being in love with Zelena, of all people. She looks at Killian, who doesn't seem any less distressed. He prompts them to not trust him, but the deal he's offering, letting all of them go in exchange for help saving Zelena, sounds really tempting.

As she has to watch the God of the Dead kiss the Wicked Witch of the West, she hides Addar's disgusted face from them and turns around as well, not wanting to have this image engraved in her memory. However, as she feels the wave of a True Love's Kiss spread around, she looks back at them.

"I held up my end of the deal. Now it's your turn," she says with confidence, unwilling to give Hades any opportunity to pull back.

She would have thought that having her name removed from a gravestone would make her feel something. Well, apart from the obvious joy that they can finally go back home, all of them, she doesn't feel anything else. But this isn't important now.

"We're free to go through the portal when it opens," she says to Killian. "It's time to split my heart so you can leave with us."

Back home. Him, and Esther. She really can't believe how much she's missed her. She can only hope the dæmon won't remember missing any of them.

"Aye, love," he says and he gives her a smile, though it looks uncertain. She knows it's only leftover fear over what she's about to do.

So she turns to Regina and she nods. Regina nods back and shoves her hand in her chest, as smoothly as one can do that. It still catches her breath, and Emma has to consciously stop herself from blasting Regina away, to let her do what she has to do. Finally, her heart is in Regina's hands, which break it in two with ease. Emma barely looks at her heart, taking the one half and turning towards Killian. She sees him raise his shoulders, take one last look at the half heart and close his eyes. With all her thoughts focusing on her hope, she pushes her heart against Killian's chest.

It feels worse than anything she's felt before. Her breath is gone, her knees go weak and she feels all lost again. It only lasts a second, as long as it takes for Regina to put the two halves together and then the whole heart back in her chest. She finds her footing and grabs onto Killian.

"Why didn't it work?" she mutters breathlessly. It should have worked... her parents, it worked with them.

"I told you we couldn't trust him!" Killian shouts, looking back at Hades.

"That wasn't me," the god says, appearing calm. Did he already know? He goes on about how David was saved because his soul didn't even go to Underworld before they revived him.

"So Killian's been down here too long?" Emma asks, panic rising in her voice. No...

"His dæmon turned into Dust and flew away. Now there's not enough Dust settled on him for the dæmon to come back."

Emma turns to Killian, his face crumpled in sadness. She lowers her eyes from his face, and feels him finally take a breath, if only to speak.

"Well Emma, it appears you have to return without me," he says, all certainty gone from his voice. Emma shakes her head and opens her eyes again.

"There has to be another way," Addar whispers to him.

"Addar, please," Killian begs.

"You're telling me no one's gone to the Underworld and brought someone back?" As she speaks, she feels her confidence rise up again, her voice becoming steadier with each word. Finally, she sees uncertainty cross Hades' face. "They have," she whispers. "Who? Who did? How?"

"It was a long time ago, and it was a rumour," Hades admits. "There's no proof it actually worked."

_It works for us_ , Addar thinks and Emma hears the thought in her mind. "Tell us everything," she tells him, feeling Killian nuzzle into her hair. She closes her eyes and wraps one arm around his back, holding him close. They can do this.

All it takes, Hades says, is for a living person to follow a dead soul into the Mist. The living soul will be tested, and if they pass the test they will manage to find the tree of ambrosia. Eating from its fruits would give off enough Dust for Esther to come back.

Back. Killian's face lights up at the mention.

"Are you sure you'll be okay alone down there?" David asks her as they're about to descend.

"You've done enough," Emma says emphatically. "Stay here and make sure you go through the portal if we don't make it back."

"You will make it back," Henry says and hugs her. She turns and hugs her father too, Addar leaping on Rydel's back and hugging her back.

With a final nod, Emma, Addar and Killian step into the elevator.

Their destination is unsurprisingly a cave. They step out and after a few steps they see a wide opening in the cave, like an exit; a light mist starting at the end of it, covering what seems to be grass. They move on, their hands holding each other's, Emma confident but Killian still a little anxious.

"We'll be okay," she tells him, caressing his hand with her thumb.

"I know, I know, love." He takes a breath. "It's just... about that test..."

"We'll make it. I didn't come all the way down here to stop now." She smiles at him, and he tries to smile back. It's tentative, but it seems real.

"Aye. We'll see Esther again."

It's his look that shows how much he's missed her, the dæmon that was his soul and mind.

"Yes," Emma says softly.

"Do you think she'll appear right there? Right after her Dust comes back?"

She smiles. "We'll have to wait and see, I guess."

"You know, I... I never told you about... seeing you when I first came to Storybrooke."

"You what?"

"I saw you. I mean, I was far, far from you, but suddenly you appeared in my vision. First it was at the town line, after Gold attacked me for shooting Belle. Then it was while I was being held hostage by Tamara."

Emma drops her head, thinking. Those were the two times she saw Esther in her cage before finally freeing her. "And you never imagined what it truly was."

"I had convinced myself that Esther was gone, I... I just thought it was my mind playing tricks on me."

"Tormenting you with images of me?" she says with a smirk.

Killian simply huffs a laugh. Emma looks back forward.

"That's the Mist," she says, pointing forward. "It can't be that far now."

In front of them they see a small pier hovering above a long lake. On the other side there's another pier, barely seen through the thick mist covering the air above the lake. On the end of their pier a boat floats on the water and a tall, slender figure with a hooded cape stands on its bow, holding an oar.

"The ferryman," Killian whispers. Emma nods and holds his hand tighter. She feels Addar shiver around her neck, terror creeping up on him.

"Shh, shh, it's alright," she whispers to her dæmon.

They reach the end of the pier and look at the boat. It seems small, big enough to hold only one person and the ferryman. They look up at him.

"We want to reach the other side," Emma demands, another shiver running down Addar's spine.

"You may step in, but only one at a time," the figure says, voice a whisper but loud enough for them to hear.

Killian looks at Emma with worry. "You will come back for the other?"

"I shall," the figure says.

Killian breathes out a sigh and looks at her again. He nods, and Addar looks up at him, a soft whimper escaping his little mouth.

"Hey, it's alright," Killian says, stroking the ferret's white fur. "I'll just be on the other side, waiting for you two."

Killian's touch doesn't seem to do anything to calm down the dæmon. Emma takes him and hugs him against her chest, soothing him with her thoughts.  _It will be okay._

She knows, deep inside, she knows that Addar wants to tell her it's a bad idea, maybe Hades has tricked them. But he loves Killian too, as much as she does, and he can't pass up the chance to save him.

Emma turns to Killian and nods, slowly letting go of his hand as he steps into the boat. Slowly, the ferryman rows them towards the opposite pier, Killian's eyes never leaving Emma's. Addar grows more and more anxious by the moment.

_It's okay, it's okay..._

The boat reaches the opposite pier, and Killian steps out, seemingly unharmed. The boat comes back, and Addar can't stop shivering and whimpering now.

"Emma..." he rasps.

"Shh, it's alright-"

"I don't like this," he whispers and buries his face into her chest. Emma strokes his fur helplessly.

Finally, the boat reaches her pier, and she goes to step on it.

"Only one," the ferryman says.

"What?" she says, half-dazed from Addar's trembling.

"Only one may step in the boat," he repeats, one skeleton finger pointing at the ferret on her chest.

"But... we are one. I can't let go of him."

"You may both step in, but the boat will leave only if there's one on it."

Emma looks up towards Killian, terrified. It's too far away. The farthest she's ever been from Addar is a couple of yards. And now...

"Emma..."

"I can't lose him, he is me, a part of me."

"Isn't that what you're willing to give up?"

Her heart.

Half her heart, half her soul.

Half her dæmon.

Addar reads her thoughts.

"No!" he says, but it's weak, because he wants what she wants with the same passion.

But it hurts Emma too, the thought of leaving him here, alone...

"I'll be back, as fast as I can," she pleads and starts lowering him to the ground.

Addar shakes his head. He tries to claw onto her jacket, his tiny paws unable to let her go.

"Addar, please..." her voice is a whisper now. Addar lets out a sob and Emma feels tears prickle her eyes. She wants to look at Killian, gather courage from him, but in this moment all she can do is look at Addar's pained face as she steps on the boat.

As soon as both her feet are in it, the boat starts moving. Addar's paws slip from Emma's fingers, and she desperately watches him curl into a ball and weep.

She tries not to count the distance. She's too shocked to count correctly anyway, but she gives up the moment she feels an iron hand clutch at her heart. It's hot, as if drawn from fire, and it feels like it's trying to pull her heart out right there. Not like magic. Just pure pain. She falls on her knees, clutching at her torso with her arms and cries. Tears run down her cheeks, a despair she's never felt before clawing its way inside of her.

Abandoned, all alone... every time she was left behind flashes in her mind...

And she did that to herself...

She weeps and cries and doesn't realize she's reached the other pier even when Killian's arms wrap around her and hold her tightly from behind. He buries his face in her neck, his cold breath a blessing on her skin, his hand rubbing on her arm. And she cries.

"Shh, shh, Emma, he's alright."

She hears him but the words don't register.

"He's alright, he's safe, waiting for you..."

She sobs. Addar is all alone...

"You'll find him. He's waiting for you and you'll find him. Feel him, you can do that."

She tries to listen to him through her sobs.

"He's right on the other side, not going anywhere. Feel him, Emma."

She tries that. What she feels is pain and despair, but at least it's there.

"Addar..." she whispers and looks up. The mist has gotten heavier, and she can't see the other pier anymore, though she can still feel Addar's presence, as strong as ever.

She takes a few ragged breaths that don't manage to calm her down. Killian keeps rubbing at her arm and she suddenly realizes. She turns and looks at him. At first his head is still dipped down, but she raises his chin with her hand. His eyes are teary and his expression is almost as pained as hers must be. The words he told her... his own voice breaking while he soothed her...

That must have been how it felt like for him when he first lost Esther.

His expression turns into a guilty one. She wants to tell him it's not his fault, it was her choice... but she still can't utter any words. So she leans in and kisses his lips. He kisses back, if only tentatively, and keeps his arms around her.

"I didn't want you to do this..." he says after he breaks the kiss.

"Shh," Emma says and holds him tight. She turns back and realizes the ferryman is gone from the boat. Well, they'll have to row back themselves. She hopes - she  _knows_ Addar will be waiting for her, and when they do come back, Esther will be with them too.

Reunited against all odds.

She's still in agonizing pain, but she knows they have to go on.

"Come on," she tells Killian, and he stands up. He supports her while she stands up on shaky legs, hand resting on her pained chest. They turn forward and they see the Mist clear out, revealing a small field under an amber-coloured sky, a tree on its center. Ambrosia.

"That was it," Emma whispers. The test she had to pass. Killian strokes her arm gently but doesn't say anything back.

They walk slowly but steadily toward the tree, though something looks weird with it. They realize what's wrong as soon as they take a better look at it.

It's cut.

Half of its trunk and its branches have fallen on the ground, rotten-looking fruit spread out around them. Emma lowers herself to the ground slowly, touching one fruit. It dissolves into dust, as if it never existed.

"The ambrosia are dead," she mutters.

Hades tricked them. Killian grabs her by the hand and pulls her away before she even manages to search for a seed, one good-looking fruit,  _anything_.

"There's no telling what Hades has done to your family!" she hears him say, but her mind is set on finding a way. They have to-

He makes an abrupt stop when they reach the end of the pier. Emma looks at the thick mist in front of her. Addar is waiting on the other side, but she can’t see him now, only feel him and only if she focuses on it.

She finds herself half-walking into the boat, but Killian hasn't moved an inch.

"What is it?" The boat can hold them both now, why isn't he coming?

"I'm not going back with you," he says.

She looks him in the eye. He can't be-

He's serious.

"No. Killian, I came to the Underworld to save you." She hates how weak her voice sounds. "I'm not going back without you."

"I'm afraid we don't have that choice, love," he whispers. He can't mean it.

She looks back at him, stricken, and swallows hard.

"Look, I just want to say my goodbyes down here, without everyone watching." His voice is still a whisper, as if he's scared of how it might sound if he raises it just a bit.

"No," she says, desperate, determined.

"We've already had more time than we were ever meant to."

"That's not true."

"We both know it is." His face breaks down in sadness, despite his attempts to keep it straight. She knows how much he's trying, but all she wants is to fucking follow her-

"You should have let me go in Camelot," he finally says, and all her determination shatters. She didn't listen to him, the one time he begged for something in return... "Don't make that mistake again."

How? How is she supposed to do that? She knows she has to, but... it's all wrong, and she's too scared and in pain...

"I just..." she manages. "I don't know how to say goodbye," she confesses and she feels tears come back.

"Then don't," he says and moves closer to her, a tiny, brave smile on his lips that falls way too fast.

"Just promise me one thing." His hand is on her cheek, barely even touching her as if afraid she'll go away, and his head drops down as he continues. "If I helped you trust in love again, don't pull away from it just because you're going to lose me."

He cries. This is nothing like saying goodbye to Milah and Liam, this isn't bursting out. He's crying right now, for this moment, and her own tears start falling too.

She wraps her arms around him and feels his hand brush into her hair. "I promise," she says. She doesn't know how she'll manage to do that, to open up her heart to love again, but she can try, for him. For the man who saw her as she was and loved her for it, who did his best to bring her up and never asked of anything... she can't just go without making sure he'll try to be happy as well.

"But then you have to promise me something too," she says with a broken voice, stepping out of their embrace. "Don't let me be your unfinished business. Move on from here, don't wait for me to show up."

He tries to smile through his tears. "Aye, love. I think I can manage that."

Lie. Lie, lie,  _lie_ , she thinks, but it's the only thing she can hold onto. Hoping that soon it won't be a lie and he'll find a way to move on.

They can't stop looking at each other, but gently, Killian pushes her to step in the boat. He says nothing, though she knows he has so much to tell her.

With her one foot on the pier and the other in the boat, a realization seems to hit him.

"I love you," he says and leans down to kiss her.

"I love you too." They kiss, and it's bittersweet. It's full of a desperate hope to not let go, to let Killian come as far as he can with her...

But they have to stop it here. The closer they are to the portal, the more painful it will be. And he wanted the moment to be just for them...

He didn't even say goodbye to Addar. A sob escapes her at that thought, as she touches her forehead to his.

With one final smile, Killian steps back, and she reaches for his hand. It has to be her, to take the final step in the boat. So she does.

They're both crying and the boat starts moving. Killian holds her hand tight, his thumb caressing her fingers as she unwillingly moves away from him. Before she’s too far away, he leans in and kisses her hand, looking at her with teary eyes on the last kiss, when she’s gone too far for his lips to reach it.

A sob escapes her and she stretches, as does he, trying to hold on to each other as long as possible. Eventually, their fingers slip from each other’s even as Killian struggles to hold on to hers. His hand drops, but Emma’s stays a little extended as her knees give out and she sits down on the boat.

She looks at his face, his pained, tear-stained face, and slowly loses focus as more and more mist is put between them.

When she’s sure she can’t see him anymore, she hears a soft thud; her heart breaks further when she realizes it was the sound of Killian’s knees hitting the wooden pier.

Her tears have dried by the time she reaches the other pier; this whole time, she’d almost forgotten her pain of being separated from Addar.

She steps quickly on the pier as soon as the boat stops moving and looks around.

“Addar?” she says softly.

The only response she gets is a soft whimper coming from ahead. Addar reveals himself, his face down but having stopped whimpering.

“Oh, Addar…” she says and picks him up, and finally the pain is over. She’s hugging him close when she feels the ground shake.

“The portal…” he says.

Emma nods. She turns and looks back. The boat is gone already, but she knows Killian won’t return so fast.

“He’ll wait until we’re gone,” Addar whispers and Emma sobs again. “We have to go,” he adds and pats her chest with his paws.

More tears coming back, Emma turns to the entrance of the cave, her steps heavy. She takes one last look at the empty pier, feeling empty herself, and then steps into the elevator.

Addar doesn’t ask her what happened. He already knows.

But it’s still hard when she has to explain to everyone - even her mother once they’re back - why Killian couldn’t come with them.

It was all for nothing, and now they even have an unleashed Hades in Storybrooke, ready to cause havoc.

The only thing Emma manages to convince Gold to help with is the alethiometer. With his new-found power, he succeeds in restoring it.

Much good it does her, though. She realizes she can’t read it anymore, no matter how hard she tries.

It hits her like yet another loss.

Later, after Killian has sent the pages they needed and they defeat Hades, she decides to spend a few more hours in the library to research on it. Anything to postpone having to go to the hospital, lift the preservation spell from Killian’s body and move on with the funeral procedure.

As she does, she realizes Addar can walk as far from her as he wants. Again, they don’t actually desire to be apart from each other, especially now, but at least it won’t hurt them again - exactly how Killian and Esther were.

She finds about one of the compass’s previous owners, Lyra Belacqua, who at the age of only twelve knew how to read the compass flawlessly, just like Emma used to do. However, after she also went to the Underworld to save her friend’s soul, she also lost her ability to read it by nature, and only managed it again later in her life after careful study on it.

Emma knows she has no mood to become a scholar for the compass’s sake.

“It’s time,” Addar finally says, even though he’s as unwilling to do it as Emma is.

When the sheet is lifted and Emma sees Killian’s body, still in the clothes he died in and the wound on his neck still intact, she breaks down. He was pale in the Underworld, but not as much as… this. She promised herself that she would bring him back, and now...

“I’m sorry.” She touches his cold forehead with her hand. “I hope you’re in a better place now… and I want to be happy about it but that means you’re really gone and…”

She bursts out in sobs. She takes her hand away to hold Addar close to her chest, and cries.

Finally, she takes a steady breath. Pushing herself forward, she waves her hand above Killian’s body and lifts the spell.

She lets out another sob and turns away.

“I miss you,” she whispers.

A gust of wind suddenly knocks her a few steps ahead, and she barely manages to stay up from its force. She looks at Addar, who also looks confused, but he seems alright.

“Swan?” they hear.

Emma whips back. She would recognize his voice anywhere, but it can’t be…

Yet there he is, his natural colour back and his blue eyes open, looking at her. Specks of Dust start gathering on his chest and morph into Esther.

“Killian,” she says and stays frozen for a second before she runs to him.

He carefully rises from the table and has barely stood up when she collides with him, crashing her lips to his. His kiss is finally warm, and living, and real. She feels Addar jump from her shoulder to wrap his body around Esther’s neck, touching her and feeling her again after so long.

She tries to get him to explain what happened, but she’s too busy kissing him and seeing him smile and  _feeling_ him to actually hear what he’s saying, so she resorts to saying she doesn’t care how it all happened.

“I’m just glad you’re here,” she says and buries her face in the crook of his neck, finally feeling his warmth.

“I’m so happy you’re alright,” Killian responds and hugs her tight.

When they pull back, they look down on Esther, still being peppered by love from Addar. Killian then looks back at Emma.

“I think there will be no better time, right love?”

Emma nods, her hands still on Killian’s arms as if he’ll go away if she lets go. Killian crouches down and picks up the two dæmons, holding Esther close. Esther rubs her head on his shoulder, and Emma knows she’s talking to him, and she can’t be happier to see the relief on his face on finally having her again by his side.

“You ready?” he tells Emma.

“Are  _you_ ready?” she says back, directed both at Killian and Esther. He simply nods and extends his arms a little. 

Emma raises her hand and slowly, carefully, touches Esther’s head. She hears Killian giggle at the touch, and it’s like music to her ears. She looks at him, her tears now of happiness, and puts her own arms carefully around Esther’s body. They all lean onto each other, Emma’s and Killian’s foreheads touching as they wrap their arms together around their dæmons.

Reunited against all odds.

Together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I'd begun writing this after Wilby was introduced in the show, I would have chosen that name for David's dæmon. Alas, my fic came first.
> 
> For anyone wondering about adult Robin, yes, he’s still alive and well in this ‘verse.
> 
> I have a lot of thoughts about this verse! This may be the final chapter for this fic, but I’m planning on writing more separate scenes that didn’t make it to here, like Killian’s POV from certain points - seeing Emma through Esther’s eyes, reuniting with Esther at the end of Season 2, trying to navigate through New York with her by his side... and perhaps a few flashbacks from any time, with Liam, or Milah, or even Nemo and Liam II, or a few scenes from Season 6. It will all depend on how inspired I get :)
> 
> Finally, thank you all for your interest in this story! I know it might have been a little too much, making three too bulky chapters, so really, thank you for commenting, giving kudos and overall enjoying it :)


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